Overcome Your Fear Of Rejection

By Curt Smith

Don't be afraid of being rejected by women

Human nature is very complex. Men have learned to be strong, competitive and courageous in times of danger. History has shown that we are able to conquer our fears and reach our goals -- as long as our will, conviction and desire are present.

Mankind has overcome the hardships of war and natural disasters. Yet there is one natural fear that seems to overshadow most men: the fear of rejection. This instinctive emotion paralyzes and hinders us from doing the things we really want to do, including meeting women. Some men are so afraid of rejection that they would rather run through a minefield than walk up to a woman and ask her out on a date.

The need to feel desirable and part of a group is inevitable, and some people will place themselves in extreme circumstances just to preserve that feeling of belonging. A good example is when teenagers take their first haul of a cigarette due to peer pressure and fear of rejection. But there is a very simple way to overcome this crippling emotion: Develop a greater fear of regret.

My father hit the nail on the head when he told me that I wouldn't regret the times that I made a complete fool of myself, but rather the times that I didn't try something out of fear. I learned that valuable lesson way back in my early 20s. I had a crazy crush on this sweet girl, but I was too concerned with rejection to ask her out.

A few years later, I bumped into her at a friend's party and found out that she also used to have a thing for me. I finally let her know that I'd had a crush on her, to which she replied, "Why didn't you do or say anything?" Wouldn't you know it -- a question I ask myself constantly. Of course, it was too late because she had already gotten married. I hope my misfortune will encourage more men to spring into action and let go of this ridiculous inhibition.

You're not her type

Most men fear rejection because it lowers their self-esteem. But there is really no reason to lose any confidence when women say "no" because they aren't really rejecting you. How could they be rejecting you when they don't even know what you're all about? It's not like they studied your personality and qualities before deciding to refuse you. Maybe they declined your offer because:

1. They're dating someone or married.
2. They're having a bad day.
3. They like you, but have their protective shield up.
4. They don't feel like talking to anyone -- even Brad Pitt.

The important thing to remember is that no one in this world can appeal to everyone's tastes. Each woman has her preferences, so if she rejects you, it just means that you don't fit the description of what she desires. You should approach as many women as possible in order to increase your chances of finding one that is looking for a guy like you.

True rejection

If you think that women who reject your drink offers or date requests are frightening, you don't know what true rejection is about. Once a man sees what true rejection is, he realizes how childish it is to fear approaching unfamiliar women.

True rejection occurs when a woman rejects a man with whom she has spent a considerable amount of time. It is the ultimate rejection because the man is dismissed due to his all-around identity.

One of my good friends had his heart ripped out by his fiancée, who left him after six years of what he thought was a wonderful relationship -- now that's rejection. In fact, you would think that his self-esteem took a beating and that he has a hard time approaching women, but he talks to new women all the time. I asked him how he does it and he explained that once you get the ultimate rejection, everything else is like a walk in the park.

Get over it!

I always had a "fear of rejection" until I decided to overcome it, especially after I witnessed what true rejection is all about. All you have to do is start up a conversation and the rest will fall into place. I don't mean corny pickup lines; I mean an honest conversation. Here are some suggestions.

- Once you notice the "buying signals" (eye contact, touching hair, and so on), walk directly up to her and introduce yourself. You can start by asking if you can join her for a drink. If she says yes, ask her name. If she's interested, she'll ask the same. If she doesn't ask, it's not the end of the world; just keep the lines of communication open.

- Keep the conversation interesting; focus on her and really listen to what she says. Then, follow up with another question that links with what she just finished saying. For example:

You: "Do you have a job?"

Her: "Yes and I'm also studying."

You: "Wow, you're a busy woman!"

Her: "Yes, there are days when I feel like I'm just going to collapse."

You: "I bet you're looking forward to a vacation?"

Her: "Oh yes, I just can't wait to get away for a while."

You: "And what would your ideal vacation spot be?"

This is just one example of many possible conversations. The idea is to listen to her and follow up with a correlating question. When this method is properly applied, it will keep the conversation interesting.

Close the deal

Most men make the mistake of carrying on a conversation without closing the deal; that is, they don't ask for the woman's phone number. Here are a couple of ways to broach the "phone number" subject.

- "I had a great time talking with you and I'd like to see you again. Why don't you give me your number so that we can do this again?"

- "You're really easy to talk to, can I have your number so that we can talk again sometime?"

Fear not

The next time you get the big "No thanks," just remember that it's not the end of the world). Women who refuse you are just strangers who have no idea what a nice guy you are. So straighten up those shoulders and move on to the next woman that catches your eye.

Article Suggested By: Scott R., Scottsdale, AZ

The Man Menu: 4 Things He Doesn't Dare Tell You

BY REED TUCKER

No matter how many conversations and Q&A sessions you've shared, every guy has certain details about his life that he considers off-limits -- even to you. Learning about them now can actually help you understand him better and keep you from freaking out if you accidentally trip on them one day. So at the risk of being hunted down, killed, and dried for jerky by my fellow males, I reveal the hidden truths your man doesn't want you to know.

1. He has a stash of porn.
I know what you're thinking: "Not my man." But it's a cold hard fact: Even the nicest guys like nasty entertainment. "Porn lets me explore sexual avenues that are unavailable to me in real life," says Adam, a bona fide nice guy from Washington, D.C.

Not convinced? Do the math. Triple-X films are a multibillion-dollar-a-year industry. That's about one video for every grown-up man and woman in America. But when was the last time you plunked down a piece of your paycheck for Jurassic Pork or Snatch Adams? My point exactly -- your significant other is buying enough for the both of you.

2. He wants more oral sex.
Okay. You know he loves it, but you might not have any idea just how much. Men are simple creatures with three basic needs: food, shelter, and blow jobs. But he won't ask for more for fear of seeming self-centered. "I'm afraid that making that request would probably be the end not only of oral sex but of all sex," says Eric from New York City. So treat oral sex like a vitamin, and give it to him once a day. He's sure to repay the favor.

3. He hates it when you're more successful than he is.
Even if he said he was proud of you when you landed that paycheck-fattening raise or corner-office promotion, he's pissed that you're moving on up faster than the Jeffersons.

See, guys are supposed to be the breadwinners, but now women are often earning just as much money and respect as men are, if not more. And this growing gender equality is doing a Lorena Bobbitt on his psyche.

But he'll never confide this to you. Any guy who revealed his not-so-progressive feelings would risk coming off like a Neanderthal. Until we get over this (yes, sexist) attitude, try not to flaunt the fact that you're in a higher tax bracket.

4. He's more loyal to you than he is to his buddies.
Never mind what you've heard. The only thing guys talk about in the locker room is sports. In general, men are far more zip-lipped about intimate sexual details than you think we are -- especially if we care about you. "It's better to smile and let them imagine what must have happened," says Steve from Boston.

We're less interested in bragging about our bedroom exploits in the spirit of male bonding than we are about deepening our bond with you. But don't expect your man to divulge this secret. Men are taught to stick together. By choosing you, we've betrayed our own kind. And that's just something we'd rather not admit -- to anyone.

What Yuna think (?)

Hmmmm... I rest my case!

At least I know now..ha.ha..ha.

Right girls?

Can Men and Women be "Just Friends"?

More lore about dating has passed from woman to woman and man to man than probably any other human endeavor, all in an attempt to help one sex figure out what the other is thinking or likely to do.

Now Maxim.com and Tango magazine have teamed to sort out some dating fictions from facts. From wanting to date the reincarnation of your parents to being friends with an ex, Tango magazine and Maxim.com researched a variety of dating conceptions singles hold near and dear. Yahoo! Personals also asked its members to chime in. Here's what we've found:

1. Men and women can be "just friends"
Marnie Hanel of Tango magazine says, "Sure, men and women can be friends -- as long as the dynamic falls into one of four categories: 1) the friends explore their, ahem, benefits -- and realize that they like each other better with their clothes on; 2) one of the parties is gay; 3) there are significant others involved and romantic -- and sexual -- needs are taken care of at home; 4) you’re just not that into each other -- in that way."

Jordan Burchette of Maxim.com agrees, "as long as they're from your kindergarten class, an ex, or are gay. It also helps if they're 'majorly unattracted' to each other. Tall order? Umm, yes," he says, "but we’re convinced that if they don’t fit in one of those categories, they’ll be double dipping their chip in no time."

2. Men don't express feelings in front of their friends
"Men are people too," says Tango's Hanel, "so while they may not outline every dirty detail of their emotions, they will dish -- in their own way -- with their close guy friends." She says there may be no tears, Cosmopolitans, or Ben and Jerry’s, but a couple of beers, a game of pool, or a good quarter of football can have an equally soothing effect on a distraught dude.

"With rare exceptions," Maxim.com's Burchette says, "we fully believe men make a conscience decision to not express their feelings in front of their friends." Some men, he says, especially those from the Midwest, pride themselves on never having cried in front of anyone -- ever. Do women like these cyborgs? To tell the truth, Burchette says, we don't think they mind it. "It's better not to cry then have to break out a box of lotioned Kleenex, so watch out sissy boy!"

3. Women take longer to get ready than men
Tango's Hanel says, "Of course we do. If you had 35 pairs of shoes and 17 varieties of lip liner to choose from, you’d be tardy too. Although living in a post-metrosexual world has given us men who moisturize regularly, spend $100 on a haircut and who can be found gazing in the mirror at five minutes past their dinner reservation."

Burchette of Maxim.com disagrees, "Even though women take forever to get ready (they have way more area per square inch to shave), men are the ones who are always late. Does this ring a bell? 'Honey, I'm finnne. It'll take me five minutes to get ready -- promise.' Never happens. Whether we’re busy manscaping our facial hair or trying to find a special shirt she loves is we’re always running a little behind."

4. Men/women can be friends with their ex
Tango's Hanel says that for both men and women, it's a classic case of dumper vs. dumpee. "Those who initiate breakups are decidedly more enthusiastic about inviting their exes over for dinner parties and meeting up for picnics in the park," she says. "The ones who are rejected are left with bruised egos, old love letters, and mutilated photos (why does it feel so good to cut his head out of every shot from your Puerto Rican vacation?)."

"Maintaining a friendship with the ex is easier than it sounds," says Burchette of Maxim.com, "especially if you're the one who did the dumping. After all, you broke up with them for a reason, right? And if it was because they're bad in bed, then you might have the bestest friend ever made! If you got a K-fed-style text message, kicking your butt to the curb, then being buds probably isn’t in the foreseeable future."

5. Women forgive, not forget; men forget, not forgive
"We have two words for you: Lorena Bobbit," says Tango's Hanel. "Make no mistake: women neither forgive nor forget. Men, on the other hand, will often let bygones be bygones -- especially if they’re offered payback of the intimate variety."

Burchette of Maxim.com says, "Men's inability to remember birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day, or grudges has yet to be scientifically proven, but trust us, it's a very real and scary disease. That said we are prone to still being angry five months later, though we have no recollection of why we’re so mad in the first place."

Top 10: Ways To Attract Her With Humor

This article is sponsored in part by DoubleYourDating.com (What's this?)

You’ve probably heard that HUMOR is something just about every woman looks for in a man, but when most guys try to be funny, they end up coming across as goofy or dorky. Not good. If you want to be a goofy, funny guy, get a joke book. But if you want to use humor to make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you, you need to learn a special type of humor I call “Cocky Comedy.” Here are 10 tips to get you started.

Number 10
Cocky Comedy defined

The purpose of Cocky Comedy isn’t to make a woman laugh -- it’s about making her feel ATTRACTION. Cocky Comedy is just the right mixture of cocky or arrogant and funny. Why this combination? Women aren’t attracted to lower-status men… and the cocky element implies you have high status. Healthy-minded women aren’t attracted to complete jerks either, and the comedy element keeps you out of the “complete jerk” category. If you can make a woman laugh at something you say that’s busting on her or is extremely arrogant-sounding, you’ve achieved a magical accomplishment. THAT is Cocky Comedy.

Number 9
Mess with her

When you mess with one of your friends but you sound serious, how does your friend know that you’re messing with him? It’s obvious because you’re being overly serious or “overly harsh” or “overreacting.” The problem is that most guys don’t do this stuff with women they don’t know… ESPECIALLY women they’re attracted to. But it’s critical that you switch the conversation from the normal mode to the “I’m messing with you” mode QUICKLY. don’t let the conversation stay too normal for too long before switching it up. To switch into this mode, give an overexaggerated compliment that can’t be real but seems way too serious; accuse her of stepping over the line and trying to pick you up in some way; complain about something in an overly serious way. Keep her on her toes and you’ll keep her interested.

Number 8
Bust her balls

Want to REALLY dial up the attraction? Bust a woman’s balls just like you bust on your buddies. Call her names like dork, brat and dude. If she WHINES about anything, mock her whining in an exaggerated and playful way. Interrupt her repeatedly, then be overly silent. Bust her balls just like she’s an old buddy of yours, and she’ll be blown away by your confidence and sense of humor.

Number 7
Use your bodyYour gestures, facial expressions and voice tone are all great Cocky Comedy tools. Push her into things as you’re walking. Hand her something but then don’t let go, and don’t grab something she’s handing to you. Steal her food or take the big piece. Swat her playfully with a magazine, napkin or whatever you can find. Thumb wrestle, tickle her… the possibilities here are endless.

Number 6
Never laugh to make her laugh

It sounds incredible, but most laughter ISN’T in response to something funny. We usually laugh when we’re seeking someone’s approval -- even if what the other person said isn’t all that funny. Men try to force a woman to give him this approval by saying something that’s supposed to make her laugh, and then laughing at his own joke in hopes he’ll get her to laugh too (and so give him the approval he’s looking for). But all this does is communicate to her that he’s desperately seeking her approval… which is one of a woman’s BIGGEST TURNOFFS. Imagine a guy laughing at his own joke, and the woman is looking around for some kind of distraction so she can pretend that the guy she’s with isn’t as much of a DORK as he seems to be. DON’T BE THAT GUY. Never laugh to try to make a woman laugh in return.

Number 5
Hold your laughter to amplify attraction

Women are attracted to higher-status males. So how does a woman tell if she’s talking to one? If she catches herself seeking HIS approval, and he never seeks HER approval, then she unconsciously knows that she’s dealing with a higher-status man. And she’ll reward that man with mating opportunities. That’s where Cocky Comedy comes in. When you make a woman laugh (which is her seeking your approval), but not laugh yourself (which communicates that YOU don’t need HER approval), you’ll create and AMPLIFY her attraction to you. It’s an unconscious communication she can’t help but respond to.

Number 4
Learn the Cocky Comedy character

Most guys who naturally use Cocky Comedy aren’t TRYING to be funny, and they’re definitely not seeking approval -- they’re being the CHARACTER. The character is where 90% of the humor flows from. So what is the character? If you catch yourself thinking, “She’s just trying to get me into bed" and “What’s in it for me?" or if you're sarcastically encouraging her bad behavior or imitating her silly quirks, then you’ve got the character. When you do, you’ll find that Cocky Comedy will happen almost automatically, and so will a woman’s attraction for you.

Number 3
When something works… turn it upAs you start to use Cocky Comedy, you’ll notice women react to you in new and different ways. When they do, it’s time to TURN IT UP A NOTCH. So if a woman is acting fake mad, say, “You love me and you know it.” If a woman playfully hits your shoulder, say “Hey, you just hit me… just like a little girl on the playground hitting a boy she likes… you love me, and it’s OBVIOUS.”

Number 2
Avoid these common mistakes

Too much funny and she’ll see you as goofy or dorky. Too much cocky and she’ll see you as an A-hole, a jerk or an insecure guy. Don’t mistake an outright putdown for being cocky. And never do Cocky Comedy to impress women or show off; you’ll make yourself look like a dumb-ass.

Number 1
Fill your toolbox with OTHER tools tooAlthough Cocky Comedy is one of the most POWERFUL strategies I’ve come across for creating attraction in a woman, it’s a mistake to think that it’s everything or, for that matter, to think that ANYTHING is everything when it comes to attracting a woman. Cocky Comedy is a lethal tool, don’t get me wrong, but don’t rely on Cocky Comedy to create attraction all by itself. You must overcome your insecurities, polish up your personality quirks and learn to control your body language -- and many other things -- if you want to really take advantage of the power that this technique and way of thinking has to offer.

Yuna's opinion

1. I like men who makes me laugh!

2. Who are not afraid to be what they are

3. Ambitious but whatever it is

4. Confident

5. Respect ladies no matter what

6. Easy going...makes ladies more comfortable to be with

Hmmm... I'll leave the other 4s up to you guys!

giving you the changes to prowl...ha..ha..ha..ha...

Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women

Last night a guy requested on tips for dating. Well, here it goes tiger!

What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women.

It's a fact that women love confidence. But how can a guy gain this confidence and convey it to women?

The frame that works best for attracting women can be summed up in three words: It's Always On.To really be successful with women, you must be so confident that anything she says or does is proof that she is attracted to you.So how can you take on this powerful attitude for yourself?Here are some techniques that you can use to become a more confident guy:

1. Become "principle centered" instead of validation centered

If you come from a place of honesty, trust, respect, integrity, and loyalty, you will always be confident because you will always know you are doing the right thing.

2. Prescribe the symptom

This technique is from Milton Erickson, the famous therapist and hypnotist, whom I admire greatly.Take control of your shyness by deciding in advance to deliberately be shy when you go out. This gives you a sense of control over the emotion. You'll find that the next time you go out, you will be able to control the emotion and feel more confident.

3. Earn confidence through self-knowledge

When you truly understand yourself and what you want out of life, and know exactly who you are, it is a huge source of confidence.What is your mission in life?

4. Be cool

People become "cool" when they no longer fear other people's disapproval, or, said another way, when you are no longer seeking other people's approval.Find your own path in life and stick to it. Do what's right for you, no matter what anyone else has to say.

.......................................................................................

What Yuna think?

Apart from the above's tips

1. Just be yourself

The girls are more interested in getting to know you...not Mr Bean or Brat Pitt or Orlando Bloom

2. Clean up yourself

Can't imagine dating a guy that smells and scruffy looking unless he prefers smelly and messy-looking girls as well (ha..ha.ha..)

3. Be honest

My name is James Wong! (no..no...not James Bond!). I'm a Sales Agent ( No..no..not secret agent). bla..bla..bla...the truth ...the whole truth..nothing but the whole truth!

4. Be humble

Girls are crazy over guys humbility attitude

5. Don't over do it

I love your eyes..it is like a burning sapphire (Duh..???what??)

I only drive Mercedes or a Jaguar or BMW (Drive it to the wall please!!)

Don't laugh but Yuna has seen this gig on the street before like "May I carry your hangbag?" (that is so sissy and full of phoney..might as well he carry her cash vault!)

Too much jokes...when dating a little casual jokes are ok but not laughing your head off exposing your unkept cavity...oh dear..!

Whatever it is...just don't over do it!

6. No flirting or sex talk

Definately a BIG NO! And a BIG TURN OFF! DISASTER!

This is about dating ...not monkeying!

Unless you're a wolf looking for a wolverine

Have fun tiger!

Overcome Your Insecurities

By Kristen Armstrong
Stress Management Specialist

In a society that values bigger, better and faster, it can be difficult to overcome your insecurities and become a confident person. But because no one in the world focuses on you more than you do, beating your insecurities is as much of an internal struggle as it is a battle of self-improvement.Despite being extremely difficult, admitting your weaknesses can pay dividends in the end. Once you admit to your lack of confidence in your sexual or financial performance, for example, and overcome these insecurities, these aspects of your life will turn from monsters in your closet to facts that you’ve acknowledged and beaten.Overcoming insecurities is no easy battle, as there are many factors that cause them, and they’re constantly reinforced by daily events. Thankfully, there is a step-by-step method for leaving your weaknesses in the background and leading a more confident existence. With that being said, read on to find out how to recognize and overcome your insecurities.

1- Find the rootThink about where you are lacking confidence:

Do you think you fall flat in the boardroom? Are you the last to hit on a girl because you think you look bad? Do you get defensive about your girl’s bedroom jokes because you think she may be truly unsatisfied?Consider where these thoughts come from. There may have been certain occurrences in your life that made you think less of yourself. For instance, if your first girlfriend told the whole school about your “small package,” you may have felt inadequate ever since. Once you’ve found the root of the problem, it’s much easier to get a handle on the insecurity, because it was most likely created by one or two isolated instances that have no real importance on your current life. Recognize where that insecurity started, and it’ll immediately seem more manageable.

2- Invalidate the problem

Once you’ve pinpointed the specific incident that created the crater in your self-image, consider why that occurrence doesn’t prove anything about your life as a whole, and think about the times in your life that prove the opposite. We are often too quick to forget the compliments or positive reinforcements that we’ve received from friends or colleagues, dismissing the kind words as pity or politeness.Don’t focus on your lack of achievement when your cube mate scores a big account at work. Instead, remember when your boss complimented your own work or just how far you’ve come since you were a bottom-feeder at your company. Recognizing your successes will remind you of how great you are and how lucky your company is to have you. This will help you celebrate your coworkers' successes -- and remember that it can only be so long before your next big break.

3- Stop comparing yourself to others

It’s easy to become insecure when you constantly compare yourself to seemingly strong, flawless people. For example, if you compare yourself to the guy in the bar who seems so smooth with the ladies, you may come out feeling clumsy and awkward in your encounters with women. But, what you’re likely unaware of is that this guy has his own set of problems that he has to deal with. Instead of focusing on how you stack up against him, focus on what you can do and your skills with the ladies. If you’re a power negotiator at work, you know that you can talk circles around any girl. Now get out there and sell yourself.If you can’t measure up to your buddy, maybe you should measure up to your own strengths…

It can be equally as treacherous to compare yourself to your friends. For example, when you see your friend -- whose downfalls and ineptitudes you are familiar with -- succeed, you might end up feeling threatened and insecure about your own abilities. If your buddy is the smooth talker in the bar, you might feel jealousy toward him instead of admiration, as you would for a stranger. Don’t begrudge your friend in his time of glory; rather, take it as an ego boost that you’re hanging out with the ladies' man in the bar, which can only mean good things about you.

4- Consider your known strengths

A lot of your insecurities come from focusing on the things that you have trouble with. The truth is that everybody has strong and weak points, but successful individuals have learned how to play up their good points -- a skill that has helped them flourish. Despite your insecurities, you have achieved a certain level of success in your life because you have great qualities. It's your job to pinpoint and foster those qualities and build a successful life.Take those qualities, learn to focus on them and remember that there are more ways to use your set of skills than you think. Although you’re unsure about your ability to attract women with your looks, you know that you can reel them in with interesting conversation and witty remarks. Perhaps you’re nervous about giving a presentation to clients because you’re not very good at making anecdotes or using metaphors. What you seem to forget is that you know the project inside and out; focus on that and answer all of your clients' questions before they ask them. Remembering what you can do will give you the confidence not to choke under pressure.

5- Put your insecurities behind you

Once you’re aware that your strengths and weaknesses will balance out in the end, forget about what you lack and draw on where you rock the competition. If you fumbled today at the office meeting, remind yourself of your top sales record for the past three months. You can always enhance your weaker points at a later date.If you find that you’re focusing on your insecurities, think of the faults that other people have and how they’re able to get around them or just remind yourself of all the things that you’ve achieved in life. The more you focus on your strengths, the more they’ll be visible to others. In the end you’ll not only be happier, but you’ll be more successful.

Securing your insecurity

The bottom line for beating your insecurities is this: Everyone has them and the key to success is to identify them, invalidate them and move past them. Focus on your accomplishments and recognize that insecurities are usually irrational fears of inadequacy.Your faults are no more visible or detrimental to your success than anyone else’s, unless you let them get the better of you. Failure tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy: If you worry that you will fail, your performance will lack and turn your ruminations into a reality.

Q&A: How To Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back, Don't Launch An Attack

Yes, it's that time once again: the day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally, and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming amount of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to AskMen.com readers; your e-mail may even be answered in the process.
This week's Q&A focuses on getting an ex-girlfriend back, smiling too much, and when to call it quits if she's not interested. David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women , has your answers.

What should a guy do if he wants to get back together with an ex-girlfriend?

If your significant other breaks up with you, two of the best things you can do to get her back are:

1- Act like you're okay with her decision to leave.

2- Start dating other people and let her know about it.

This combination alone is usually enough to make her come back to you.

Jealousy is powerful . It's far more powerful than most people suspect.

A situation where girl "A" didn't have any feelings for you until she saw you with girl "B" is the rule , not the exception.

Jealousy causes people to do crazy things and feel very powerful emotions... from love to hate.

Trying to "get her back" is a losing game in most situations, because the act alone suggests that you're needy (especially when you don't even know a woman very well, and you're trying to "get her back" after one or two dates).

The best thing to do is get on with your life, then call your ex-girlfriend in a month or two to see if she wants to have coffee.

Don't talk about heavy things, and don't mention anything about what happened. Just be casual.

Is it possible to smile too much? Should you "pursue" women?

Do you think a man should smile in order to get a woman to like him?

This is an interesting subject.

I think that most guys smile too much when they're talking to women that they're attracted to. Now, I have to modify what I just said a bit.

How about this: Most guys smile in a way that looks like fake-approval-seeking-wussy-man when they're talking to women that they're attracted to.

I recommend that most guys learn how to control all aspects of their body language so they can quit doing things that make them seem needy, apologetic, like they're trying to get a woman's approval, etc.

And smiling is one of those aspects.

That said, I know guys who smile a lot when they're meeting women, and they do very well.

What's their secret?

They make the right moves, so their smiling doesn't come across as them trying to be liked, kissing up to a woman, etc.

Do what works for you.

But if you've been the kind of guy that tries to get women to "like you" in the past, then you'd probably benefit from learning how to smile less , and be cocky & funny more .

Do you think a man should "pursue" a woman to try to land her?

I've noticed a pattern with guys that is very interesting to me: If a guy meets a girl and feels attracted to her, but doesn't have success taking things to a romantic level, he will tend to think about that woman and how to try again to get her attention, even when it doesn't make any sense at all, and there are many other opportunities around him .

I think that this is probably some kind of survival mechanism gone wrong. But whatever it is, it's a pain in the ass if you ask me.

In about 98% of cases, it's much better to just get on with your life and meet new women than it is to go back to an ex-girlfriend or a women you've met in the past (who, for one reason or another, didn't feel an attraction towards you) and try to get them to come around.

Move on.

This article is sponsored in part by DoubleYourDating.com (What's this?)
David DeAngelo is the author of the book Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, and several other products that can help men become more successful with women and dating. He also publishes a free online Dating Tips newsletter, available at www.DoubleYourDating.com.

Painless Relationship Maintenance

By Kristen Armstrong

All relationships require maintenance. Of course, different relationships require different types of maintenance, and some will require more time and attention than others. A relationship in trouble, for example, will need carefully tailored maintenance and consistent effort in order to repair it. However, if things are moving along generally smoothly in your relationship and you’d like to keep it that way, there are a few easy and efficient ways to grease the wheels with your lady without keeping you constantly occupied.Before we begin to explore these instructions for a pain-free relationship, a special note: It’s necessary to control the frequency and timing of these maintenance tips. After all, if you employ them too often, you’ll come off as insincere and flaky. Nonetheless, their use should be familiar and natural to you. Generally, a happy relationship should stay that way so long as you both feel respected and cared for. Below are a few quick and painless tips to keep your situation with the lady shipshape.

1- Compliment her with sincerity

Giving her a sincere compliment means that when she comes into the room and your heart (or heart rate) skips a beat, you should let her know. Tell her that she’s looking good and that she still does it for you in all the right ways (assuming that this is the case). Or, tell her that her recent promotion at work was well-deserved, and that her boss is lucky to have her. These types of compliments are not over-the-top or excessively mushy, but they make her feel special and appreciated. Giving her such verbal assurances will help put her at ease and make her more relaxed around you since she won’t have to guess your sentiments. Knowing how you feel will boost her confidence, and because you’re responsible for the improvement in her mood, you should be rightly thanked for it.

2- Fulfill one of her nagging requests
You know that thing that she consistently asks you to do -- be it trimming that beard a little closer or taking her out for a nice dinner -- and you always neglect to do it? Well, if you get up and do it, and do it consistently, she’ll notice and she’ll appreciate it. Doing such good deeds doesn’t take much more effort than a little mindfulness, and they will keep her singing your praises. Not only will you be doing things that she likes, but you’ll be doing what she has asked, which is where the secret power of this maintenance tip is hiding. Doing things that she has requested will show her that you’ve actually been listening to her and not just to your sports recaps. Pick a few of her favorite wishes and try them out.

3- Surprise herJust the little romantic gestures can make a very big difference to a relationship.

If you know that she has had a long day, grab some coffee from the cafe she loves so much. If you’re at the grocery store, pick up her favorite ice cream. The little gift doesn’t need to be expensive or extravagant to please her, you just need to preemptively consider what she’ll want, and try to give it to her. Pick things that are personalized to her tastes, emphasizing your intimate knowledge of her likes and dislikes. Behaving this way will make her especially happy when she receives your little tokens, and it will also show how special you think those little details are.You don’t have to be Shakespeare to make her feel special...

4- Choose her over the boys

Let's face it: Many men get very touchy about giving up their night out with the boys. Your girl knows that this time is important to you, and most girls will give you the space to enjoy it. However, it is important that you recognize your girl as a priority in your life. This means that you’ll have to occasionally promise her a movie night at home, and skip going out with the boys. A little goes a long way with this, so make sure she recognizes a visible sacrifice on her behalf. Because this might not always be obvious to her, it might be worthwhile to subtly bring it to her attention. Also, stay very clear of any hint of remorse on the decision; let her know that the boys were doing their thing, but you wanted to spend a little quality time with her.

5- Write her a note

The written word often packs a punch that a verbal message can’t match. Little notes and messages give her visible proof and little keepsakes of your feelings, something she doesn't receive that often. These don’t have to be sappy love notes to do the trick. Write a personal message inside a card on Valentine’s Day instead of just signing it or leave a little note if you’ve dropped by her apartment. Even a little text message letting her know that she’s on your mind can boost her day. Sign off with a little romantic gesture, such as with “yours” or “kisses” instead of “see ya later,” as though she were one of the guys. Little written reminders that you’re thinking of her will have a great deal of impact.

6- Hang out

Sometimes the big events, special as they are, are not where your relationship is solidified. Make the effort to simply share time together: having movie night or bonding as you both yell at reality television will make the two of you feel as though you share more than popcorn at the movies. Spending some downtime together is a good way to keep a healthy handle on your identity as a couple, so that when you’re among friends the bond remains tight.

Avoid a relationship overhaul

Generally, the key to relationship maintenance is to remind each other of your feelings. Performing small gestures along the way keeps you thinking of her, and keeps her in a forgiving mood -- both of which will pave the road for a smoother relationship. Keep in mind that nothing that’s been mentioned here is over the top, expensive or life-altering. They’re all small things that make up a big picture, and none of them will tax your mind or your pocketbook.

My Favourite Superman!

What Makes Men Fall in Love?

Hello! I found this article on "What Makes Men Fall in Love?" by David Zinczenko is very interesting. You ladies, come on and read for a better understanding on men and the man you love.

Judging from the kind of mail we get at Men's Health from men seeking relationship advice, I can tell you this definitively about men: When a man falls for a woman, he falls hard. Men love to be in love. While men often get stereotyped as single-minded sex-seekers, the truth is that a man's stomach churns like a slushy machine when he's in those initial stages of the perfect relationship.

When you consider that half of men say that they're currently not with their soul mates, that means a heck of a lot of slushy machines are waiting to be turned on. What are they waiting for? What makes a man fall in love? After you rule out the obvious intangible laws of chemistry, attraction, and being in the right place at the right time that kick-start many a relationship, I think the question really becomes this: What makes a man fall -- and stay -- in love? About 60 percent of men deem friendship the most important thing in a relationship (sex comes in at a skimpy 8 percent, according to a national Harris Interactive poll), but let's delve a little deeper. What exactly does that mean, and what kind of woman does a man really want? With full acknowledgement that men's tastes in women are as unpredictable as the plotline of "24," these are some of things that many men value in "the one."

A Woman with a Passion in Something Other Than Him
Yes, it's nice to be doted over. Yes, it's nice to be pampered. Yes, it's nice to be with a woman who showers you with compliments, neck kisses, and all of her attention. But there's a virtual Great Wall of China between a fleeting, flirtatious glance and the kind of attraction that can last a lifetime. Many men say they like a woman who's immersed in something else other than the relationship -- be it her work, or her sport, or whatever her "thing" is. Why? The passion she shows for something else confirms her inherent goodness, her personal drive, her independence. All pluses in the woman we're hoping to spend a few decades with.

A Woman with No Problem with Guy Time
Every relationship has to choreograph the time-together dance. Once a couple elevates from casual to serious, it goes through that period when most waking and sleeping minutes are spent together. But at some point in the dance, one person will call a time out from the music of coupledom, and try to spend more time with his or her friends -- while still being careful not to step on any feet in the process. Even when they're with the most perfect woman, men still crave the occasional space to spend golfing or drinking or doing whatever (64 percent of men are happy to have the time to themselves when their wives or girlfriends have plans). Men love, appreciate, and are thankful for women who respect and endorse (and not complain about) his need to have a few testosterone mixers. Don't worry, March Madness will be over in just a few weeks!

A Woman with a Strut
Her strut in the bar may have been part of his initial attraction. The strut from the bedroom to the bathroom after the first night together may have been pure visual ecstasy. But the strut that happens day in and day out is one of the major attractors for a man. What do I mean by the strut? It's that attitude, that sassiness, that confidence, that charisma, that charm that shows she can be a little bold and little daring. In a recent post I talked about the line between a woman being confident and a woman being so aggressive that she turns men away, but the truth is that in certain aspects of relationships, men want women who have the strut. Men want to be with women who challenge them, who push them, and who take the lead some of the times. And that's as true in the bedroom as it is in planning their next weekend getaway. The danger? While it can be insanely attractive, that strut of confidence can also swing a man 180 degrees -- if she uses it in other places, like to flirt with other guys, to become a relationship dictator, or to pick a fight with his mom in front of the whole family. He'll point that kind of strut right out the door.

A Woman with a Good Taste in Ties
Okay, so we don't really care about the ties per se. But what we care about is a woman's ability to give us a little-and this is a key word-gentle guidance. I know Freudian followers will say that it's a man's need to be mothered, but it's more than that. Every relationship is a give and take, and guys will definitely take women who can warn us when our new soul patch looks stupid, who can guide us to the perfect suit and shirt combo for an upcoming job interview, who can help them make decisions without being harsh or judgmental. Guys like to project that they know what they're doing and that they don't need any help. Women who can help steer us, without aggressively grabbing the wheel, are the most treasured copilots

Of Myths and Boys

Time to demystify all those stereotypical deep-rooted age-old cliches you know about guys!

WHAT GIRLS BELIEVE:
Guys are commitment-phobic

REALITY: Not all guys are afraid of commitment. Those that are could have a myriad of reasons for being so...freedom issues, lack of trust or they're simply not ready to commit.

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW: Committing to someone is serious business and shouldn't be taken lightly. If you thinkall guys are commitment-phobes, take a good look aroundand you'll find that they can be very committed creatures. It might not necessarily be to a relationship but other things such as school, family, friends and fanatical hobbies such as video games! If you want him to commit to you, give himsome space and time. He'll come around once he's ready.

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WHAT GIRLS BELIEVE:
Guys love it when you play hard to get

REALITY: The "does-she-or-doesn't-she-like-me" game can be exciting at first but it gets stale pretty fast.

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW: For anyone, the thrill of the chase is fun. More so for the guy because it invokes their natural "hunting" instincts. He will try to interpret your little innuendos at first but after awhile, he will tire of the games and eventually, you. Think about it for a second (and this will make perfect sense). Guys are not stupid and most see through our little shenanigans, anyway. Nowadays, more and more guys find it attractive when agirl makes the first move. But if you insist your guy do the marathon, just make sure there's afinish line and you're the prize.

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WHAT GIRLS BELIEVE:

Guys only want to date Jessica Alba (or someone who look like her!)

REALITY: Looks do matter but only to a certain extent.

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW: Of course, it would'nt hurt if you had a supermodel's body, but it's not a pre-requisite. If you can't carry on a decent intelligent conversation, what's the point? You can attract a guy with with your stunning good looks but what keeps them attracted is your personality, energy, values, passion, sense of humour, integrity and confidence. Looks wear off with old age. What will get a man hooked is how you carry yourself and all the positive traits you exude. Attitude is everything!

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WHAT GIRLS BELIEVE:

Guys are possessive

REALITY: They're not possessive, just protective.

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW:

Guys are instinctively protective over things that are valuable to them. They never want anything to threaten it and guys are always on the lookout for danger. They love you and don't want to lose you. However, you (and him) need to know that there's a different between being protective and overly possessive. Never allow him to control, manipulate or take away your freedom.

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WHAT GIRLS BELIEVE:

Guys don't listen because they don't care

REALITY: Men can't listen like women, they communicate differently.

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW:

Women talk to organise thoughts and seek empathy. Men talk to communicate ideas. And yes, some of them do have a short attention span so when you natter on and on, they will tune out. We also tend to think that they immediatelyget what we're trying to say but it's not always the case. When you communicate with your partner, talk in adirect and straightforward manner. Don't beat around the bush. Tellhim that it's important to you that he pays attention. Ask him nicely to see if he comprehends what you've told him. If he still insists on not hearing you out (especially if it's pertaining to important issues), maybe you'd like to consider him history. Sorry......

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WHAT GIRLS BELIEVE:

Boys can't dance

REALITY: Robbie Williams performs on stage in Hyde Park, London. He never had a problem shaking it!

ha..ha..ha..ha..

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WHAT GIRLS BELIEVE:

Boys don't cry

REALITY:

They do, in their own way...not in the open anyway.

Actor Freddie Prinz Jr. tears up as he speaks during a posthumous star dedication ceremony for his father, Freddie Prinze.

(Oh man...how sweet!)

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WHAT GIRLS BELIEVE:

Boys don't show emotion

REALITY:

Westlife's Kian Egan wipes away a tear at a press conference announcing Bryan McFadden departure.

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BOTTOM LINE Myths become myths because they do contain some elements of truth, but they are rarely the whole truth! A single myth on its own may seem insignificant but combine them and they will eventually destroy the relationship you're trying to build.