Post-Breakup Maintenance

By Gary Jackson

Things to do after the breakup

It's a sad fact, but relationships don't always work out. For one reason or another, you might find yourself breaking up with the girl you spent ages trying to woo. It's never fun, but there are steps you can take to make the process as pain-free as possible. Remember: You did care for this person at one point; you owe them a clean break.

A good relationship takes a lot of work, and so does a good breakup. By following the tips below, you should be able to make a relatively easy split and come out of it unscathed and ready to move on.

Get in touch with friends

One of the first things you have to do is get your story out there. Even if it seems like a ”pleasant” breakup, chances are she has a different take on where things went wrong. Contact your mutual friends and put your spin on it first because that's just what she'll be doing.

At this point, you may have to choose which friends you want custody of. A breakup can tear a group of mutual friends apart because people naturally take sides. Work on keeping the friends who matter and accept that you may have to avoid others in order to avoid run-ins with her.

No drunk dialing

When drinking, bad ideas seem like really, really good ones -- like staying out until 3 a.m. on a work night, asking for that extra hot chili sauce, and calling the ex for a “chat.” You may think you're being considerate by checking to make sure she's OK, but right after a breakup it's best to maintain a no-contact rule -- especially when you’ve been drinking. There’s a good chance you’re going to say a few regrettable things, and you’ll just come across as pathetic.

Delete all her numbers from your cell, get rid of her e-mail address and take her off speed dial so you aren't tempted to contact her. And this goes without saying: Don't pick up the phone if she calls you.

No ex sex

Since the no-contact rule is in place, you’re also prohibited from having sex with your ex for "old time’s sake."

It was great, but it’s time to move on…

It’s a tempting proposition because sex with an ex can be great -- you're both comfortable with each other and she'll probably work overtime in the sack to get you back. But it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see this isn't a good idea. What starts as a one-off can become a habit. From there, you'll eventually find yourself back with the girl you tried to dump, and you'll have to hurt her all over again. The end of a relationship means the end of sex. If you find yourself getting desperate, go on the prowl for someone new.

Return her things

If you've been together for a lengthy time, she’ll have her things laying around your place and vice versa. Part of the breakup process is to return them. Her CDs on your shelf, that pile of clothes on the floor... they're all just potential excuses for her to show up one day when she misses you.

The sooner you get rid of her stuff, the better. Bag up her things and take them over to her place, and be prepared to collect all your things when you're over there. Insist on getting everything on that one trip. For any items she can't seem to find, accept the loss and walk away.

Break from your shared routines

Now that you've claimed your space back, you must do the same with your time.If there are any regular activities the two of you shared, avoid them; chances are she'll keep doing them to bump into you.

Use this as an opportunity to explore your new single world. Friday was your movie night? Well, now it’s your new bar-hopping night with the guys. Saturdays were spent eating out? From now on, you’ll invite friends over for dinner.

Get back in the game

The final part of post-breakup maintenance is re-entering the dating world. When in a relationship, all the single women out there seem so far away, but now you can head back out there and get them. While you don't want to do this too soon, it's the most pleasant step of this maintenance schedule.

Moving on is a clear signal that the two of you are definitely over. The reason you went through the whole breakup was to do this, so enjoy it. Don't use other women as a means to getting over your old flame -- do it for you, for the love of the pickup or to meet someone new.

letting go

It goes without saying that breakups are never easy, but these breakup maintenance tips should help make the whole process as easy as it can be.

Your next step after the breakup process is complete is to brush up on your game and welcome yourself back to fun world of singledom.

Article Suggested By: Terrence G., Dickinson, ND