YUNA AND MAN

Give Me Space!

2008-02-03T20:32:00.000-08:00

hitchedmag.com

Updated: Feb 3, 2008

Question:I'm in a great relationship with a great woman, but I need some space. Do you have any advice?

Answer: The situation you raise is a case of good news and bad news. First the bad news: this is probably one of the most typical scenarios between couples, and most men get really frustrated, just like you. And now the good news: there is a way to understand what's happening and turn things around.

You might be surprised to know this type of "dance" -- guys needing space, and their partner coming after them -- is really a biological gender issue. That's right, she's not just being a pest (and I might add to women, your man is not just tuning you out).

New research has found that women are designed to react more emotionally. Men, on the other hand, will have a negative response to too much stimulation. Starting to see where this is going? A woman gets upset, she reacts emotionally, it's too much stimulation for the man, he does something to create space, she feels he's pulling away and goes after him, which only provokes his need for more space. And so on and so on.

By not understanding the other gender, each person is creating his/her own interpretation from his/her perspective. So, to a man, it feels like a woman just won't leave him alone -- but he's not leaving her, he's just creating some breathing room. A woman, feeling far more comfortable with emotions and closeness, attributes a man's desire for space as his not caring or pulling away from her. Therefore, she makes various gestures in an attempt to reconnect.

So, how do you handle this endless cycle?
1. Understand that the genders are truly different in their styles, and the actions taken are not intentionally meant to hurt the other.

2. Men: When you need to take some space, let your wife know that you are merely taking a "time-out" for a little while.

3. Women: Allow your man to have some breathing room. Don't assume his leave-taking is anything more than temporary.

4. Men: Women are verbal creatures. They like to hear words of reassurance.

5. Women: Don't just tell him you're sorry. Men like actions, not words. Don't follow him around the house and you'll see how much sooner he returns.

6. Men: Be willing to listen to your partner. When a woman feels "heard," she has less of a need to go on and on.

7. Women: When speaking to a man, make your point directly and speak briefly, since he doesn't feel comfortable with too much stimulation.

Why Men Don't Talk

2008-01-18T00:43:00.000-08:00

By David Zinczenko
Yahoo: Posted Mon, Dec 17, 2007, 9:32 am PST

As the editor of the biggest men's magazine in the world, I am privy to something many women rarely hear - straightforward, uninhibited guy talk.

Don't be so shocked - guys do actually talk, and not just about Tom Brady's quarterback rating. Most women think their man is the strong, silent type (or maybe the oblivious, silent type), and they wonder why he doesn't share his feelings.

But here's the truth: Men do want to open up, about their hopes, their fears, and their passions. Yet put him alone in a room with you, and he often turns into a Sphinx. Why can't he take his eyes off the TV and talk about the state of the relationship, or the finances, or, heck, the backyard landscaping? Why in the world can't he just summarize his day for 10 minutes?

In fact, one in five women say that they typically fight about a man's lack of verbal interaction, and 30 percent of men say their failure to communicate is the source of major conflict in the relationship. Why is it this way?

Here's one answer: Because even men who have feelings to share don't always feel comfortable sharing them with their partner. These are some of the reasons why some men often prefer to zip it, rather than delivering the goods:

Guys Are A Little Intimidated

No question, women are expert communicators. They throw questions like Oprah after her third cup of coffee; they're connecting on all cylinders. And like the divine Ms. W, women bring a lot of skill to their game: A special awareness of the people-scape around them, a keen set of emotions keyed to that awareness, and a rich vocabulary they use to talk about anything at anytime.

And they're always practicing their Q&A skills on their many friends, so they're in top talk mode all the time. Men know this. And they also know that more than one-third of women say that men simply can't relate and don't understand women. The result: Men are afraid of saying too much, because saying the wrong thing may get them into more trouble than Lindsay Lohan as a designated driver.

Guys Need To Decompress

Woman's view: When a man walks in the door, he ought to cough up some of the details about his day. After all, it's been 10 hours since they've communicated, not counting the two IMs, three voice mails, and one actual mid-day conversation.

Man's view: Can I please make a beeline to the bathroom? When men reach home, it's like those ultra-marathoners staggering across the finish line in Death Valley. The last thing they want to do is discuss how bright the sunlight was, and how scarce the water stops were.

Further up on his want-to-do list after arriving home: 14 percent of men want to check email, 12 percent are looking for a little private time in the bathroom, and 10 percent simply want to eat dinner. The common theme here: After they've spent a day serving the needs of others, they want to take care of themselves a little.

So when a man is hit with a demand for conversation so closely after returning from the stressful environment of work, he has only one gear left to shift into, and sometimes it's reverse. He's retreat, retreat, retreat.

Guys Are More Comfortable With Actions Than Feelings

Rather than talking about how he "feels," often a man would rather express his love by changing her oil, or bringing home a flower, or relinquishing control of the remote.

And when men do talk, they'd prefer to talk about actions rather than emotions. For instance, a lot of guys would choose to express their long-range faith in a relationship by talking about next summer's vacation plans, not by launching into a soliloquy about undying love.

Both conversations can mean the same thing (that he plans on sticking around); he just prefers to say it with plane tickets, rather than poetry. It's one of the reasons men are more comfortable talking at work (the practical universe) than they are at home (the castle that emotion built). But you can bring out his great communicator by making him feel more like he's operating in work mode, even when the topic at hand is your love life. Here's an incredible article, "The Home Office," that shows how he can use his best office skills for great success at home.

Guys Don't Want To Be Put On The Spot
When men talk less and women want more, the scenario can escalate. Like when the bad cop is pummeling the reluctant witness, more silence equals more questions. A full 65 percent of men we surveyed recently told us they don't want their partners to ask them more questions about themselves.

It's clear that some men are just plain tired of feeling like they're on the witness stand. They're not necessarily hiding anything; many guys simply prefer not to have to relate confusing feelings that they may not even understand themselves.

An age-old tactic can make things better: Back off a little, give him room to operate in a conversation, and he's more likely to open up. To find out if his lack of communication really does mean that your relationship needs a tune up, take this quick quiz.

Is She Attracted to Me?

2007-11-20T18:11:00.000-08:00

All the signs are there -- if you know how to read them

By David Wygant Sepcial to Yahoo!

Personals Updated: Nov 20, 2007

I get so many emails from men asking me this question: "How do I know if she is attracted to me on date?"

This a great question, and knowing the answer will make going in for that kiss become her idea and not yours. That's right, guys -- the first kiss has to be her idea. She has to want it and desire it, and learning what her body language is saying is key to the first kiss and knowing if she is attracted to you.

When you are out on a date, sit across from her at a table, or if you are about to sit in a booth, let her sit down first and see where she invites you to sit. Some women will invite you to sit right down next to them in the booth and some will not. If she invites you to sit down next to her, she is telling you that she has an initial attraction to you.

Be a listener, not a talker

The first step to making the date a true success is to listen to what she is saying. Pay attention to the details, and react to what she has to say. That does not mean that you can't share a story or two about yourself, but the best dates are the ones where you're in a listening and reacting mode rather than a talking and bragging mode.

Of course, she wants to hear about who you are and what you are all about. She does not want to hear you brag about how much money you have or how successful you are. She also does not want to know about your negative dating history.

She wants to know about what you have learned in life to this point.
She wants to see how positive a person you are, and she wants to imagine being able to hang out with you.

How to read body language cues

Now what type of body language should you be looking for when you're sitting across from her at that table?

Pay attention to her eyes. One sign of attraction is when her eyes are open really wide, and her pupils are enlarged when you are talking or when she is talking to you.

Another sign of attraction is that when you are speaking, she will lean her body into you and literally be drawn in with your words. She will not get up and go to the bathroom. She will sit there and not want to miss a single second of the date:

- She will not look at her watch.
- She will not look around the room.
- She will be totally fixated on you the whole time.
- She will play with her hair and lick her lips before she moves towards you, because she is creating a sexual feeling inside her.
- She will reach her hand across the table and glance at yours.
- She will touch your shoulder or another part of you very casually.
- When she is speaking, she will touch her leg or her face, imagining it was you who was touching her.

There are many others, but these are a few good ones to get you started.
Keep in mind that what she is doing and communicating with her body is on a subconscious level. She is not aware of what she is doing, and that is what makes this so powerful.

One last thing: How do you know after all of this that she wants the kiss?
She wants the kiss if, when you walk her to the car, she lingers and keeps talking and looking at you. What you do then is go in, move towards her lips, and see what she does. Then pull to the side and give her a hug. This will create tension. If she then talks more, look at her, touch her face and move in for the kiss.

10 Turnoffs that Make Great Gals Wave Goodbye

2007-11-20T17:59:00.000-08:00

By Jeff Cohen Special to Yahoo!

Personals Updated: Nov 20, 2007

Most guys know from the get-go whether or not they see potential in a woman. There's that inner voice that tells you this is someone worth pursuing.

When the first date ends, you're not even thinking about playing games. You know you want a second date. You wait your standard two days, call to set up that date and get the dreaded voicemail.

You leave a heartfelt message, but after three days it becomes clear this great gal is not calling you back. Where did you go wrong?
Were you the only one feeling sparks over lattes?

Top 10 turnoffs for women
Maybe the answer is to learn the top 10 turnoffs that make great gals wave goodbye. If any of these fictional guys sound like you, it's time to change your approach.

Great Gal Turnoff #1: Showboat Sammy
Maybe he owns a yacht off the coast of France. Maybe he has a timeshare in the Hamptons. Maybe his annual bonus is bigger than most guys' salaries. That's all well and good, but does it really need to be divulged on the first date?

Great Gal Turnoff #2: Messy Melvin
A-list celebrities can pull off the unkempt look. First-daters need to pay attention to shaving, clothing and bad breath. If the guy can't even put in the effort for a first impression, it doesn't bode well down the road.

Great Gal Turnoff #3: Rude Ricky
"Where's our drinks, lady?" If a guy treats the service staff with a lack of respect, a great gal will likely assume he'll do the same to her someday.
The last thing anyone wants is to be talked down to or disrespected.

Great Gal Turnoff #4: Cheapie Charlie
There will always be debate about who should pay on a first date. Some guys are traditionalists and want to foot the bill; others expect a 50-50 monetary split. In most cases, offering to pay is the way to go. Let her pick up the tab on a future date.

Great Gal Turnoff #5: Still-Married Michael
Marriage, separation and divorce are pretty cut-and-dry terms. If a guy says he's separated when he really means he's cheating on his wife, it's going to cause trouble. Be honest from the get-go and let the dating chips fall where they may.

Great Gal Turnoff #6: Hands-On Howie
Guys need to read the signals before assuming hand holding, massaging and other touchy-feely activities have the green light.
Jumping too quickly to any form of intimacy can make any guy seem too aggressive.

Great Gal Turnoff #7: Stereotyping Stephen
"Oh, you're one of those types of women." Jumping to conclusions about a date from the way she answers one or two questions is a definite mistake. Let the date unfold before making assumptions about someone you just met.

Great Gal Turnoff #8: Distracted David
His cell phone is ringing constantly, he's popping away from the table every 10 minutes, and he keeps interrupting the conversation flow. First dates require focused attention -- that means putting the phone on vibrate, making eye contact and being present.

Great Gal Turnoff #9: All-Business Barry
Some guys are great salesmen or outstanding negotiators. But there's a time and place for business and a time and place for leisure. Guys who treat first dates like business transactions will never close the deal.

Great Gal Turnoff #10: Nervous Ned
He can't sit still, he's banging his fork on the table, and he won't make eye contact for more than three seconds. Nervous antics are a real turnoff and make a great gal think a guy has something to hide. Work out the nervous kinks before the date starts.

How to Know If a Girl Likes You

2007-11-16T01:06:00.001-08:00

Below, I will tell you 10 things on how to know if someone likes you. This information is based on my personal experiences and a little bit of research. If you like a girl and don't know if they like you back, then read below.

1. Watch the way she looks at you. If she keeps looking at you, she just might like you

2. If she flirts with you too much, she probably likes you. Girls might flirt with you just for the fun of it, and it can be misunderstood as a crush. Watch out for girls who flirt.

3. If she acts weird when you come near her, she might like you. Watch her behavior when you are talking to her.

4. If she wants to pair you up with someone or says "I know who likes you," then she probably likes you.

5. If she constantly tries to get close to you or touches you, she probably likes you.

6. If she turns red when you come near her or when you talk to her, that means she likes you.

7. She might ask you a few questions that might make you uncomfortable, for example if she asks if you ever had a girlfriend or have you ever been on a date, she might like you.

8. Make friends with her close friends. They might say something about her liking you. Talk and flirt a little with them. If she gets mad for flirting with other people, then you know she likes you.

9. Start a small conversation with her and her friends. Try to notice these things:

- If she keeps trying to get close to you or tries to hold your hand, she likes you
- If she is confident, they will match your voice tone and will act like she does with her friends
- If she is shy, her voice tone might be a little higher or lower depending on what she acts like. She might smile and laugh nervously at your jokes. She will probably start playing with her hair.

10. If she says she likes you, then she likes you!

Tips

- Be yourself. You don't want to start acting like someone else, because she may start to lose interest in you.

- She might be looking at you while your not looking, so keep an eye out for her.

- If you know a girl likes you, try talking to her and be nice.

- Try starting nice conversations.

- Compliment her. Girls like being complemented.

- Girls love good smelling people. So try to smell nice and use cologne.

4 Steps To: Improving Your Looks

2007-11-05T17:03:00.000-08:00

By Brandon Dyce

Stress Management Specialist

Every so often, our looks require some attention. We men can become slouchy, slovenly and just plain lazy when it comes to maintaining a consistent dapper appearance, but we mustn’t let things get too far out of hand. From time to time, it’s necessary to assess the situation and make some immediate improvements. Plus, some occasions even mandate one to pay special attention to the way he looks -- like just before a date, a big interview or an important meeting. And sometimes, on a random day, men find themselves feeling portly and disheveled, and desiring a change.

So, the next time you need sprucing up, follow these four simple steps -- which take less than 60 minutes combined -- to improve your looks.

step 1
Exercise for 30 minutes

The process of improving your looks starts with a 30-minute workout. Head out for a jog, hit the gym or, if pressed for time, exercise at home. And if 30 minutes sounds futile to you, rest assured it’s not. A half-hour workout is all it takes to get the blood flowing and oxygenated, eventually leading your body to release the negative energy clouding your mind. The real beauty here is the long- and short-term effects exercise has on improving your looks. Over time, regular 30-minute routines provide actual results that enhance your overall health and appearance; the instant gratification, though, comes in the form of bolstered self-esteem. At the end of the workout, your confidence levels will be back up -- and shining through -- as you realize that you are, in fact, a force to be reckoned with. Your mind will be clear(er), and you’ll be ready to hit the shower… and take on the next step.

step 2
Remove excess hair

With the mind and spirit restored, the focus shifts to the body… and body hair. In improving your looks, turn your attention to removing any excess hair. While each of us has different facial features to highlight and tend to, one commonality we all share is facial hair. Of course, to upgrade your appearance, you’ll want either a close, clean shave or a meticulous once-over with the beard trimmer, but don’t stop there. Spend some dedicated time with your face in the mirror, examining your eyebrows, nose, sideburns, and hair. Noticeable stray hairs in these areas are unsightly, so remove them. You can tweeze, trim or cut, but the important thing is to weed them out. In the end, attending to excess hair demonstrates your penchant for the tiniest details, not to mention it enhances your looks by 1 million percent.

step 3
Iron your clothes

At this point, things are taking shape: You’re feeling good about your physique, and you’re perfectly groomed, but now you’re faced with choosing the right outfit. And regardless of your selection, to truly improve your looks, the choice must undergo an iron. For us guys, this step usually confounds us with its complex, time-consuming processes, so we usually skip it. But that has to change. Though the situation dictates the appropriate attire, each component of the outfit must be perfectly pressed. (Never was there a sharp-dressed man whose entire ensemble didn’t showcase crisp creases and sport a starchy finish.) Thoroughly ironed clothes not only polish up and refine your overall appearance, but also add swagger to your step as they boost your self-confidence and pride.

step 4

Wear a white shirt

While carefully pulling together your outfit -- be it casual, dress, or formal -- there is one last universal choice guaranteed to improve your looks: Wear a white shirt. Simple, yes -- but a pure white oxford shirt is the patriarch of classic style. No matter the occasion, a well-made, cleanly ironed, white shirt brings an elegant, timeless feel to any outfit and any guy. It’s your ace-in-the-hole, sure to evoke a sense of both grace and fortitude. And once it’s on, you’ll immediately discover just how perfectly a white shirt suits you. Improving your looks is a process, for sure, but the last step is -- and will forever remain -- wearing a white shirt.

Top 10: Secrets To A Great First Kiss

2007-09-08T09:17:00.000-07:00

By David DeAngelo

Most guys just don't realize how important that first kiss is to woman. Well, this should give you an idea: When you kiss a woman for the first time, she decides right then and there if she ever wants to kiss you again. Use these 10 tips to be sure you always leave her begging for more.

Number 10

Do it in private

Privacy is key. A big mistake that too many guys make is going for a kiss in the wrong situation. Women want that first kiss to be special, and they'd prefer to share the moment with you and you alone. So if you're out somewhere social and you feel like the time is right, take her to a back room or, even better, to a completely different, more personal location.

Number 9

Know when to pull out

There's no better way to let her know that you're a catch than by being the first to call it quits. Most guys go for the gold on the first kiss... and they rarely end up getting it. By being the one to slow down, you'll show her that you're in control... and most importantly, you'll leave her dying for more.

Number 8

Feel her out

When you feel the moment is right, reach over and touch her hair while you're talking and make a comment about it. Say, "Your hair looks so soft," and lightly touch the tips of it. If she smiles, reach back over and start stroking it again, but this time shift your glance between her lips and her eyes a couple of times. If she lets you keep touching her hair, you know that she's ready to be kissed.

Number 7

Be a tease

Newsflash: There's nothing that women love more than to be teased, so let her know who's in control by driving her crazy with your lips. Go in like you're going to kiss her, then at the very last second, pull away and flash her a mischievous grin. Use this sparingly to keep her turned on and on her toes.

Number 6

Ease into it

Still feeling a little nervous about going in for the kill? Ease into it by leaning in and smelling her neck. Take a big sniff and say, "Mmm... you smell good." Then slowly brush your nose and cheek along hers as you pull your head back to make eye contact with her. When your eyes lock, close them and go for it.

Number 5

Show some passion

Every woman longs to be ravished, so why not make her fantasy come true? As you're kissing her, reach back behind her and pull her head back by gently grabbing the hair right above her neck. Slowly kiss your way down her neck and give her a playful bite, then pull back slightly and breathe heavily on her neck and in her ear. Make sure your pants are securely fastened, because at this point she'll be trying her hardest to take them off!

Number 4

Dip her down

If the mood is right, add some sensuality and chivalry to your first kiss by gently dipping her down, ballroom-style. There's no better way to make her feel like she's with a powerful and confident man. Do it right, and she'll never forget the moment.

Number 3

Use your hands

Women love to be caressed, especially while they're being kissed. Starting above her ear, run your fingers through her hair, down to her neck and all the way down her back. Then slowly slide your hand back up again. Use both hands, and alternate between using your whole hand and just the tips of your fingers to give her an experience she won't soon forget.

Number 2

Spice it up

Once initial contact has been made, spice it up a bit with some variety. Move from short, soft kisses into longer, deeper ones, then back again... and don't use your tongue any more than she does. Change the angle by moving your head to the other side, and alternate between sucking on her lower and upper lip. Be sure to stop to breathe after every few kisses. These little moves will let her know that you know exactly what you're doing.

Number 1

Explore her body

When you're ready to really turn up the heat, kiss her on her neck and move your lips slowly up to her earlobes and give a light nibble. Don't be surprised when she starts breathing heavily.

Make that kiss memorable

With all these tips handy, you'll now be equipped to make that first kiss unforgettable. Remember to stay calm and kiss her in a way that'll be memorable.

Body Turnoffs

2007-08-01T01:34:00.001-07:00

By Jessica Lloyd

Body flaws that turn off women.

It is often assumed that women generally let themselves go once they're in a relationship. This is frequently true, but men are just as bad; women are just far more tolerant. But this doesn’t mean you don’t need to make an effort, because she does notice, and yes, she misses the body you had when you first met.

Your sexual attractiveness is very important, and as a relationship wears on, the laziness and complacency begins. If you think she will love you 'til the day you die no matter what you look like, think again. She might just want to trade you in for the newer model -- the model that makes an effort to ensure he looks good not only for himself, but for her. You expect her to make an effort with her appearance, don’t you? She doesn’t want a man who spends more time in front of the mirror than her, nor does she want a muscle man. She just wants you… with a couple of fix-ups.

Here you will find a quick list of what body blunders women find most offensive, and easy ways to improve bits of yourself without going overboard.

Man boobs

This is the area she most looks at when she perves at you naked. It is also probably one of her favorite places to rest her head, nibble nipples and caress lovingly. A man’s chest is a treasured place for women, so having a posh pair of man boobs covered in carpet is not a turn-on -- especially if your boobs are bigger than hers.

What you can do: You can transform your man boobs reasonably easily with a bit of focused attention, and then you get to call them pecs and show them off. Invest in some weights and get one of your fitter mates to show you how to use them properly; don’t hurt yourself by trying to be tougher than you really are. Rowing machines are a great all-round workout for the entire upper body and can work miracles in a reasonably short time span, though you will be working hard. If you have a really, really hairy front, you might want to consider trimming, waxing or laser hair removal. Some hair is generally considered manly and sexy, but if she can’t nibble your nipples without getting a floss, maybe you’re due for a trim.

Excessive pubic hair

The point here can be easily made like this: Do you like going down on a furry muff? You don’t, do you? And neither does she. Your largest manly appendage is smooth and hair-free, which means that it gets the most attention. But if you consider that having less hair in other places makes it much easier to lick, suck and fondle these other places, you may realize you are missing out. Hair above the genitals needs to be trimmed no matter what; a great way to spoil a perfectly good bl*w job is for her to get a hair stuck in her throat.

What you can do: Get rid of the offending pubes. This does not mean you have to get rid of all hair -- if the thought of a wax on your privates makes you cringe, a hefty trim will suffice. Though in saying that, smooth balls are deliciously smooth and sexy to lick, so try shaving. Let her lick them, and see what you think. You might feel a bit bald for a while, but you’ll get used to it. And no, it doesn’t make her think you look 10 years old.

Underdeveloped shoulders/arms

If you’re a bit puny or saggy, it can impact how manly you appear. If your shoulders and arms are lacking in definition or shape, she may look at you and wish you looked a bit stronger -- a bit more like you could save her if armed bandits came to kidnap her. Our primal instincts are still raging on as ever, so yes, looking a bit tougher than you really are is always a bonus when it comes to the ladies.

What you can do: If your shoulders slope downward, you can dress them up by wearing clothes that make you look broader. Jackets with padding, horizontal stripes and nothing that tapers in at the waist are suitable options. Since your shoulders are the last place on the body to accumulate fat, they are in fact one of the easiest places to build visible muscle. See your local gym, an online guide or a fit friend for advice. Get those dusty old weights out and start using them!

Hairy back

Beautiful, smooth backs are definite lady-pleasers -- a nice back will get you places a sparkling personality and a full head of hair won’t. To all you men out there who have hairy backs, it’s not your fault that you have hairy genes, but truth be told, you would probably be getting more attention without the hair. Certainly, some women do love hairy backs (“very manly”), but on a whole, hairy backs are a big reason why lots of men don’t get laid (“No way, he’s got a hairy back”).

What you can do: If you have the cash, go to a laser hair-removal clinic and invest in a lifetime of smoothness. Waxing is a suitable alternative, but you must maintain it. Waxing lasts from four to six weeks, and it isn’t expensive. Don’t shave it, as it will grow back quickly and prickly -- not nice to touch. To tone your back, get on the rowing machine or do push-ups.

Beer belly

Your stomach is basically the whole front of you, and this is what she predominantly sees when she looks at you. If you have a pot belly, get rid of it. Nobody likes a saggy, protruding stomach, and since this is where men tend to put on weight first (especially if you enjoy beer regularly), it is the main source of the excess weight. You don’t need abs of steel, but you do need to be tucked in. You will notice her squeals of delight and her increased interest in touching the new and improved you when the results of your effort become apparent.

What you can do: Crunches, of course! Also do the rowing machine, push-ups or maybe you could just eat less. That’s what women do; it seems to work. If you don’t know how to do crunches properly, ask somebody; you can easily save yourself time and effort by doing them properly. Oh, and maybe don’t drink so much beer.

Gross teeth

Bad teeth will lose you more sex than you’ll ever know. Our smiles are our gifts to the world, and how we show pleasure. If your way of showing pleasure is to bare your stained, broken/missing/buck fangs to the world, perhaps you’re in need of some dental work. Bad teeth look like they smell, and you don’t want to kiss something that looks like it smells. Bad teeth drastically change your appearance -- just think how you cringe when someone who looks OK suddenly reveals a terrible mouthful. It ain’t pretty.

What you can do: First off, get them cleaned by the dentist. A professional clean not only makes them feel lovely and smooth, but it gets rid of any gunk you have stuck to them. Then, get a home whitening kit. They don’t cost that much, especially if you compare it to a lifetime of paying for sex. Make sure that your mouth-care routine is leaving your breath fresh, and your teeth clean. If you have missing teeth, for goodness sakes, get them fixed. You might think it’s funny, but a full smile is an attractive smile. If you have a real gobful of sharks’ teeth, it’s best to see a cosmetic dentist for some help. Consider it an investment in your sex life.

Tips

If you don’t happen to look your best, a good way to placate the missus is to make sure that you are encouraging her when she isn’t looking her best. Making a woman feel attractive when they aren’t feeling particularly sexy is certainly a challenge, but if you are kind to her in her time of need, she will be kind to you until you get back on your feet. If having a firmer physique is what you want, try doing regular exercise with your partner. It is more fun and far easier than doing it on your own.

Self-improvement

Being super-duper is hard work. Being attractive can be hard work for some people, but on the whole a little bit of effort goes a long way for most of us. Knowing what your problem areas are is a good start, so figure out what you think needs improving and hop to. Your lover might insist she loves you just the way you are -- and she does -- but this doesn’t mean you can’t up the ante a little. Just remember: Whatever you do, do it just as much for yourself as for her. It won’t go unnoticed.

How to Charm a Woman

2007-07-21T07:22:00.000-07:00

Women are complicated, but some things are universal

By David Wygant

How can you charm a woman? Do they like a daily check-in phone call? Does she secretly wish you'd text her in the middle of the day for no reason but to make her smile? Do they prefer expensive dinners to home-cooked meals? Rock-hard abs? Flowers for no reason?

Identifying women's turn-ons is complicated, because they all react differently. Some women you wish came with owner's manuals so you knew exactly how they were wired. Luckily, I've done most of the legwork for you and am happy to pass this knowledge on to you.

Top 10 ways to charm a woman

1. Be aware. This means cracking open more than the sports section on the daily paper. Be up on current events and learn the difference between feelings, emotions and thoughts. Women are emotional beings and tend to think things through.
They are attracted to men who are as smart or smarter than them, and your knowledge of worldly matters will demonstrate your intelligence.

2. Demonstrate humor. Women love a man who can make them laugh. Now don't fret here if you're not a stand-up comedian. We all have a certain type of humor. You can be dry, sarcastic, hilariously funny, quick-witted or dark. Being able to poke fun at yourself and just plain old being goofy is a turn-on for women. Keep in mind that all women are not attracted to the same type of humor, so if you don't vibe, just walk away and try someone else.

3. Have passion. A guy who lives his life with gusto is incredibly appealing. When you speak to a woman about your life, your travels, your job, your interests, speak with passion. That passion about who you are will turn her on instantly. She will start to imagine what it will be like when you are involved with her and how passionate you will speak about her.

4. Be considerate. Pay attention to the little things and look for opportunities to make small gestures that show you care. A simple "How was your day?" and being able to listen to her when she wants to discuss something are huge. So many men forget about simple things like holding the door, paying for her valet or just thanking her for a great time last night. Women are all about a guy with manners -- she is not attracted to the dope who acts like a caveman.

5. Be honest. Share who you are by telling her something personal. Maybe share one of your favorite childhood memories or some personal growth that you have been going through. Something that will show her that you are a trusting and honest person. It also shows that you are a confident but vulnerable man. Women love to see the vulnerable side of you. Note: Don't talk about an ex in a bad way here. If you have to talk about an ex, do so in a positive manner and share what you learned and how you grew from the relationship.

6. Be flexibile. Be open to her plans but surprise her with your flexibility. Take charge and surprise her with a fun night out. Instead of being the typical guy who makes a reservation, think about how you can be the guy who listens to her and plans a great date that she did not expect. If you can pull this off, she will be open to all sorts of advances from you.

7. Be positive. If you are positive about life, it shows in your actions. I always tell men to be extra nice to waiters, bartenders and other service people. Be a courteous driver when she's in the car. When you are in line at the movies, don't complain. Look for the humor and try to have fun with people all around you. Be positive about everything, and she will find you to be very sexy and alluring. No one wants to be with a negative hothead.

8. Be balanced. Women love a successful, ambitious man. They love that you work hard, but if you constantly put work ahead of her she will become turned off. She will start to imagine what life with you will be like with her needs being ignored. If you are out meeting women to date, you need to balance your life between work and play. This will be a major turn-on for her.

9. Have ambition. Men who are ambitious about what they do are a turn-on to women. It doesn't matter if you choose to be a rich stock trader or a painter, as long as you are passionate about who you are and what you do. If you don't love what you do, find something that really turns you on. You can't attract the woman you want with a negative ambition. Women love a man who is the best at what he does.

10. Be attentive. You are out with her for the very first time, and she tells you she loves a certain type of music. On the next date take her to a lounge that plays that type of music. It is all about paying attention to the details and working on your listening skills.

This list of 10 things will work in most cases. Keep in mind there is always the woman who you just can't seem to please. If you happen to cross paths with this type of woman, ask yourself, "Why would I want to be with a woman who is so difficult?"

I tend to avoid the difficult, judgmental women. Knowing women's turn-ons and putting them into practice will help you identify women who may be relationship material. You need to realize that you want to attract and turn on the women that are attracted to you on an equal level!

Meeting Internet Women & More

2007-07-19T22:49:00.000-07:00

By David DeAngelo

Yes, it's that time once again: The day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming amount of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to AskMen.com readers; your e-mail may even be answered in the process.

This week's Q&A focuses on meeting women on the internet and maintaining eye contact. David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, has your answers.

I met a woman online, but she says she’s a little nervous about meeting me until she really gets to know me. What should I do?

Just e-mail her and say: “OK, why don't we hook up in Vegas and get married? This way we'll know each other well enough for you to want to meet me. Or, we could just get together in a public place in the middle of the day, in broad daylight, with a hundred people around, and we can talk over a cup of tea.”

I personally like the Vegas idea or something equally funny. Then get her phone number and call her up. This has a soothing effect in these types of situations.

Make sure that when you talk to her you say things like, "Let's meet for a cup of tea for 20 minutes... this way if you're really freaky I can escape with minimal time wasted.

"This approach is funny, and puts the idea in her head that YOU'RE the one who's picky and selective.

What if I’m a guy looking for a serious relationship?

Well, as much as I avoid "relationship" questions, I just have to comment on this one.

First of all, I believe that MOST guys would prefer to be in a relationship with a great woman than to be single. The problem is that amazing women are as rare as amazing men.

If you REALLY want to get a woman attached to you, then you might want to try a paradoxical move and stop looking for a relationship. If you communicate that you want a relationship, a woman’s natural response is to play Hard To Get.

If YOU play Hard To Get and HOLD OFF on showing your interest in a "relationship," you'll find that the woman will pursue the relationship with YOU.

Think about it.

What advice do you have about making eye contact with a woman?

Eye contact is VERY powerful.

If you make eye contact with a woman, I recommend that you keep it until SHE looks away.

By the way, this is a great exercise. Just go out and make eye contact with as many women as you can and keep it until they look away.Just remember not to look away because you're nervous or afraid. Women can detect weakness very quickly, and they’ll turn off like a light switch when they do.

If you want to "check women out," just make sure you don't look like a loser that has no life. And don’t look like you’re planning to use the mental images that you're taking for future solo fantasy role play.

Don't look desperate.

Women are turned off by guys who have that "I'm not worthy" look and they're turned ON by guys who have that "You are interesting to me, but not so much so that I'd give blood just to talk to you" look.

What to do when women say “Why don’t you give me your number?”

I love questions like this one.

Yeah, when you start getting good at approaching women, you will start having all kinds of far-out things happen. As a matter of fact, some of my favorite stories that my friends and I laugh about are about some conversations I’ve had with women.

Here, let me confuse you for a moment and give you a couple of different perspectives on your situation.

I have one good friend who has been with literally HUNDREDS of women. He told me a story about a woman that, when he asked for her number, said this to him, "Well, why don't you write down your number and I'll call you?"

He didn't even hesitate and he shot back, "Don't give me that SH*T, write your number down!"

She smiled and wrote her number down.

Another time, I was out talking to a girl and asked her to write down her e-mail address and number. She said, "You give me your number," etc. I looked at her and said, "Never mind.”

Then, as the conversation went on, she started making comments about talking to me in the future, and giving her my number and such. I just said: "Nah, you're not serious. If you were, you wouldn't be playing games with me and you'd just give me your number.”

She wrote it down.

Funny enough, my standard response in this situation is to just look at her, point to the paper and say: "Write it down. It’ll be OK." That probably works about 50% of the time.

You have what I like to refer to as a "high-quality problem.” Remember what you've learned in my DVD program about what women are REALLY looking for -- then be it.

Just because a woman says, "Give me your number instead,” doesn't mean that you've lost control. It's usually just a test.

Reading Body Language & More

2007-07-16T02:25:00.000-07:00

By David DeAngelo

This week's Q&A focuses on how to read her body language and how to avoid freezing up when you approach a beautiful woman. David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, has your answers.

You talk about body language a lot. What are some of your tips?

Here's the deal...

Women are MUCH better at reading body language than men.

And we humans respond VERY powerfully to body language in general.

The more you interact with women, and the more you use what you're learning from me, the more you'll find that women will FOLLOW YOUR LEAD.

In other words, when you chase a woman, she'll run.

When you play hard to get, she'll pursue you.

If you do things to make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you, then begin to lose interest and behave in a "less interested" way, women will become insecure and start acting like needy Wuss guys. Really.

In fact, one of the things you'll find as you become more and more successful is that women will start becoming VERY attached to you VERY quickly.

Next time you are at a coffee shop, walk up to the counter and greet the person at the register as if they're an old friend whom you haven't seen for a few months.

Say "Hey! How have you been doing?" with a big smile.Watch as they respond to you THE SAME WAY.We humans respond to subtle body language so instantly and so powerfully that it sometimes scares me.

Does a man need to learn how to “read between the lines” when it comes to women?

If there’s one thing that’s true about women, it’s that they don't always say what they mean, and they don't always mean what they say.When you can start communicating with women on the level of ATTRACTION, and realize that many of the things they SAY are actually tests and distractions, you will evolve to a new level, and begin acting in a way that other guys will think must be magic.When this happens, KEEP DOING IT. On some level, I believe that ALL women secretly want a man who does what she RESPONDS to (not what she says), and does it WITHOUT HER HAVING TO TELL HIM.

Most guys seem to “freeze up” when it comes times to approach an attractive woman. What’s your advice?

The answer is to start small.

Don't worry about what anyone else is doing, or what anyone else thinks. Just go out for a day, and go to a mall alone. Walk into every store in the mall, and start a conversation with a woman who works there. Don't worry about whether the woman is good-looking, married or whatever -- you're just practicing.

At first, let them start the conversations.When they say, "Can I help you find something?" reply with, "Yes, that would be great. I'm looking for joy, peace and a rich girlfriend. Do you have any of those here?" Say it with a straight face, like a comedian would. After you've done this 20 times, reflect on what you learned. Think about what worked and what didn't. Think about the conversations that took place as a result.

Take a break, and walk down to a department store, and spray some cologne on each wrist. On your right wrist spray Dolce & Gabbana, and on your left spray Armani Aqua Di Gio. Next, walk into 20 more stores. This time, try to make DIRECT eye contact with the first woman you see that works there, and HOLD it until she either starts talking to you or she looks away.Then walk over to her and say, "Hi, I need a female perspective on something. Which of these colognes do you like better?"Then when she chooses one, shake your head and look at her with a disapproving look and say, "You would."

Then give her a sly smile and say, "Why do you like it better? I want to be a chick magnet here, so tell me what you're thinking."

If you do this exactly as I've described, you will have gotten started, and you'll have a base of experience to work from.By the way, if any of the women are CUTE, feel free to say, "Hey, I have to go. Do you have e-mail?"
reader’s question

It has always been in my nature to be generous with most people I like, but I don't give away my life just for attention or to "buy" people's friendship. And certainly for a woman's attention, I have always known that just doesn't work. I come from a family in which it is natural to be generous as a matter of good form, but never beyond the means available. It's a cultural trait, I guess. Being tight and always expecting a reward for everything is neurotic anyways.

The problem between me and women is that I have no problem with doing a small favor for a woman out of decency. But I don't expect to immediately jump in the sack with her. It's a paradox for me. Like going to a club and buying some woman a drink, but not expecting anything in return except having a good time and just getting along. Maybe it's a good way to sort out the user/flaky types from the cool and normal types by doing a small favor and seeing how they react.

I've had good results from controlling how much I will give, and sometimes throwing in some humor like this: "OK, one drink [sly grin here] -- but if you start stumbling around I'm not paying your cab fare home!"

This always gets a laugh and loosens up the woman, and keeps me in control (I think) without seeming like I'm a sucker or trying to buy her attention. What is your view on this kind of thing?

Oh, another thing I'll do is not get clingy if I do something like that. In fact, I've found that if I just walk away and find something to do for a few minutes (talk to a friend or even go to the bathroom or whatever) right after doing a small favor and allowing some "breathing space," the next time around they are more at ease and usually a good conversation starts, leading to an exchange of digits. Do you think I'm on the right track or is it too "friendly”?

Acceptable Female Demands

2007-07-02T22:16:00.001-07:00

By Stephanie Eldred

Dating is all about give and take, and relationships are a constant compromise. Women are always going to have demands, but some might take it too far and expect unreasonable levels of maintenance. High-maintenance women are pretty easy to spot, and can be worth the trouble sometimes, even though the upkeep might drive you to the brink on occasion. Obviously, making your girl happy is vital to your relationship, but it's in your best interest to decide just how much is too much and make sure to keep her expectations and demands in check.

It's one thing to feel like her knight in shining armor and quite another to feel like her constant caretaker. To win with a high-maintenance woman -- or any woman for that matter -- without becoming a slave to her demands, it's vital that you maintain a little flexibility rather than steadfastly refusing to negotiate. Putting your foot down might make you feel manly and in charge, but it might also make you feel that way… all by yourself. Keep reading to spot the differences between high maintenance and regular maintenance and learn what's reasonable for her to expect and what isn't.

She wants a chauffeur at her beck and call
It's acceptable to expect to keep your chauffeur cap on ice in situations where you aren't accompanying her on her outing. But when you're on your way out together it's fine to do the driving if not exclusively, then at least a lot of the time. So, will you drive when the two of you are headed to a friend's party? Sure. Will you pick her up at home and drop her off for a day of shopping with the girls? Nope. However, there are exceptions: If she puts in a request for a specific reason, like a lift home from the dentist after a root canal for example, then obviously your boyfriend duty is to comply.

She wants you to run domestic errands
Relationships are a partnership and errand distribution should reflect that equality. Household to-do lists and joint tasks are best served in a fair rotation or with a planned balancing act. If she hates taking out the garbage and you hate ironing, then by all means make a deal that those are your personal chores, with each of you opting for tasks that you prefer or are just plain more suited to. For the more mundane, like groceries or dry-cleaning, a weekly rotation is the best way to avoid an argument. And yes, she is allowed to complain if you "forget" your half of the bargain and drop the ball if it happens on more than just an occasional basis.

She wants you to hang out with her friends… all the time
As much as you may like her friends or not, a fair social time split is important to make sure you don't alienate your buddies and risk winding up with no friends of your own. It isn't acceptable for her social life to automatically become your social life. Each of you has the right to expect time with your own friends, either as a couple or alone. If she has a problem with your social circle, it's fine to try staging activities that you know she'll enjoy regardless of the company, like a concert or have her invite her friends to come along -- the more the merrier. If she really puts her foot down and refuses to play fair, it's well within your rights to let her know that you'll be heading out with the guys and she's welcome to join you if she changes her mind -- just be sure not to tip the balance in the other direction by ignoring her pals in favor of your own.

She wants you to buy her tampons
There are exceptions to every rule when it comes to keeping your lady taken care of: The unholy alliance of PMS and a woman in need of tampons is a very significant one. This combination only supersedes all other advice regarding standing your ground and not being bossed around if the circumstances are indeed dire. Forcing you to make this kind of purchase in your regular shopping trip to keep your house well-stocked for her visits isn't dire -- it's laziness on her part. Dire is when she's three days early at your place and completely unprepared. In those cases, yes, you have to go. And yes, you have to be sure to get the exact kind she likes to avoid all hell breaking loose. Pick up some Hershey's Kisses too while you're there. Trust us on this one.

She expects royal treatment without ever footing the bill
High-maintenance women often assume that price stickers are akin to quality markers or that your spending is in direct correlation to your feelings for her. While you don't want to come off sounding cheap, your monthly credit card statement might beg to differ. For big-ticket items, like a vacation, it's acceptable to expect that costs will be shared equally. For other occasions, depending on your respective income levels, it's assumed that the person doing the inviting will pay. She invites you to her cousin's wedding, she'll pay for the night's accommodation out of town. You invite her to a concert, the tickets are up to you.

She wants hours in bed devoted to her pleasure only
It's fine to focus on your lover and put them ahead of yourself… but not if it's one-sided all the time. Keep her on her toes by varying the routine. Make requests or wait for her to make the first move. Forcing her to take some initiative and actively playing a role in the course of your intimate encounters may help to shelve her selfishness. Keep in mind that your girl might also be self-conscious or timid in the bedroom, so make sure to give back plenty of positive reinforcement when she does things that drive you wild, and you'll be sure to see more of the same.

Curb the princess effect
Whether your girl is high maintenance or just looking for standard girlfriend rights, your relationship won't survive unless you find ways to satisfy her needs while still avoiding being a doormat. If you find yourself caving in to irrational demands, just remember that the upkeep she is demanding is a choice, a choice for how she wants to live, but that doesn't mean that you have to play along. If she isn't willing and able to provide the things she demands for herself, it isn't necessarily best to provide them for her.

Escape The Friend Zone

2007-07-01T07:31:00.000-07:00

By Gary Jackson

We told you to avoid the friend zone, but you went ahead and fell into it anyway. You somehow managed to become buddies with the woman you wanted to pick up. Escaping this zone is difficult. From the get-go, women classify you either in the “friend” or ”boyfriend” category, and they rarely see you as anything else once you’ve been categorized.

This is where our helpful hints come into play. While she may not be quick to move your name from the “friend” list to the top of “boyfriend” list, it is not an impossible feat to accomplish.

Before you try to escape the friend zone though, think hard: There is a chance you'll lose her altogether if things don't go as planned. If she's already a big part of your life, you may want to consider moving on to someone new and keeping her as a reliable wingwoman to help you out.

Still game? Then consider your advantages: The good news is that you don’t have to deal with all that tricky getting-to-know-her business. You'll have insight into what she's interested in and what she's looking for in a man, and you can use that knowledge to steer her away from potential rivals.

Treat her like a woman, not a friend
Chances are you're overlooking her as a woman. You might not treat her exactly like a male buddy, but things between the two of you are relaxed… too relaxed. While this situation may feel good, in reality, it doesn’t work to your advantage since there is very little room here to make her feel special.

Get out of the zone: Be a gentleman more often. When walking, offer her your arm; open doors and pull out chairs; give her the occasional compliment; avoid blatantly checking out other women in front of her. Of course, don't go overboard and venture into sap territory; that would keep you firmly inside the friend zone.

Step up the flirting
Now that you're treating her less as a buddy and more like a ”real girl,” introduce more flirting into the relationship. This has to be discreet, though. Going from her friend to a leering pervert in the space of one day is not how it's done.

Get out of the zone: Start with the simplest of things: Hold her gaze for longer than you normally would and focus more attention on her in conversations. Spend more time trying to make her laugh in a way that encourages one-on-one banter (as opposed to just goofing off like you would with a friend).

Over time, this can be expanded to include flirting of the pickup variety. Your advantage here is that you can easily read how well she is taking all this and adjust it as necessary. Also, she won't immediately put up the ”stop the pickup” barriers, meaning there's a greater chance she’ll enjoy it and reciprocate.

Break the touch barrier
Encourage more physical flirting. In fact, you've probably already broken the touch barrier without realizing it by giving her your arm, guiding her into a seat, etc.

Get out of the zone: The key is to touch her consciously so it promotes positive thoughts in her. Touching her arm during conversation, putting your hand on the small of her back while waiting at the bar, brushing something out of her hair... small acts like this can build up an air of intimacy that she finds desirable.

Use your friends
Within your group of mutual friends, there may be people who think the two of you make a good couple. If so, use them. These helpers should be women -- guys, after all, are useless at subtlety.

Get out of the zone: Encourage these girlfriends to draw attention to your more attractive traits. Remember: At some point your target has considered whether you could be a potential partner or not. So, the aim of her friends' peer pressure is to remind her of the good qualities she noticed in you when you first met.

As well as encouraging her, your helpers can also feed you information that is beneficial to your cause. They can tell you if she is open to a relationship right now or if she's bored on Saturday nights and wants someone to take her out.

Encourage dating behavior
Being trapped in the friend zone, you aren't able to spontaneously ask her out on a real date. Doing this can disrupt the status quo and spook her. Instead, find ways to date her by proceeding in a covert way.

Get out of the zone: A date is essentially a relationship interview -- a chance to show off your best side in the hopes that it’ll lead somewhere. A good way to do this with a friend is to take up a shared hobby. This allows the two of you to spend some exclusive time together and she may notice something in you that she overlooked before.

Going for drinks or a meal afterward reinforces the dating atmosphere. Again, don't be too eager; your aim is make her want to spend this alone time with you and lead her to suggest more “dates.”

Change something about yourself
Familiarity breeds contempt. Well, in the case of friends, it may not exactly be contempt, but shaking up something about yourself may cause a “wow” moment in her and stir up romantic feelings.

Get out of the zone: Make positive changes to yourself that will make her see you in a new light (being friends, you should have some idea of what she thinks is positive). A new haircut or a new wardrobe could catch her eye. Or by displaying a more confident attitude around her, it might force her to rethink whether you're in the ”friend” or ”boyfriend” category.

Exercise some commonsense and subtlety, though. If she says she likes a new band, don't rush out and buy all their albums, merchandise and tickets to their next gig -- that just comes across as pathetic.

Make her want you
These steps are just a warm up. Following them will cause her to rethink your friendship and open up the possibility of something else. They will edge you toward the limits of the friend zone, but it's up to you to get over the barriers.

Sooner or later, as in all dating ventures, you have to make your move… something you should’ve done when you first met her.

Top 10: Ways To Get Her To Chase You

2007-07-01T07:11:00.000-07:00

By David DeAngelo - Web Site: DoubleYourDating.com

Most men naturally assume that it’s the MAN who must pursue the woman. But guys who are naturals at succeeding with women don’t buy into this belief -- and it’s a big part of why they’re always with the most attractive women. What would your life be like if instead of chasing women, women chased you? Here are 10 tips to shift the dynamic in your favor and get women tripping over themselves for a space on your social calendar.
Number 10
Use “reverse rapport”

“Reverse rapport” is when you say and do the opposite of what a guy would do when he’s trying to make a woman like him… but in a sarcastic, overly serious way that assumes the woman already knows, likes and trusts you. The objective here is NOT to try to be sweet and wonderful and nice in order to win her approval. How do you do this? Well, one way is to use a sarcastic comment that’s the OPPOSITE of what a woman wants to hear. Or answer a question a woman asks you with an answer that’s the opposite of what she expects, all in a very sarcastic tone that implies you’re making fun of her. When you do, you’ll create a deep, polarity-charged connection with her that will get her pursuing you in no time flat.
Number 9
Read between the lines

If you’re talking to a woman on the phone and she tells you that she’s seeing someone, understand that she’s saying this more for herself than for you. She probably is casually dating another guy, but she’s feeling attracted to you, so she needs to say this to put on the brakes so she doesn’t feel “promiscuous.” If you find yourself in this situation, tell her something challenging like “Yeah, congratulations… and you know, that’s pretty assumptive thinking that I was trying to pursue you.” She won’t know what to say, and you will have communicated that you’re a confident guy who doesn’t need any woman -- just the kind of guy women LOVE. Don’t be surprised if she calls you back within a week, telling you she wants to get together and that she’s suddenly dumped the guy she was dating (for a chance to get to know you, of course).
Number 8
See beyond getting laid

When I first started learning how to succeed with women and dating, the idea of getting laid was a lot more interesting to me than it is now because I thought that if you could learn how to “get laid” then you’d naturally be able to have any other kind of success you wanted with women. Well, many of the guys I’ve met who are GREAT at “getting laid” don’t have any idea how to find a high-quality woman to have a great relationship with and when they do find one, they have no idea how to keep her around. I think it’s much more interesting and useful to learn how and why women become attracted to men, and why they STAY attracted. This way, you’ll be able to keep that fantastic woman in your life once you find her. There’s nothing wrong with “getting laid,” but it’s only a tiny piece of the puzzle, and it alone won’t lead you to happiness and success in life.

Number 7
Stop courting, start attracting

There are two basic models for how men approach meeting women: the courtship model, and the attraction model. If you base your approach with women on ATTRACTION, you get a very different response from COURTING them. When you court a woman, her natural response is to run, which makes you want her more and makes her run more. But when you attract a woman, her natural response is to chase YOU. This subtlety makes all the difference in the world.
Number 6
Be the dominant one

Courting is based on what you DO, what you OFFER, and what you GIVE… and is largely based on gifts, dinners, flowers, compliments, etc. Attraction is based on how you communicate, who you are and your masculine identity. Courting takes the “make friends” strategy and supersizes it; it’s about being as nice as possible in order to get her to like you. Attraction isn’t concerned with “liking” because a woman doesn’t need to like you in order to feel attracted to you. Courting is facing the challenge; attraction is BEING the challenge. Courting is about being a follower, submissive and weak; attraction is about being a leader, dominant and strong. Stop courting, start attracting, and you won’t BELIEVE how it can transform your success with women.
Number 5
Show her you get it

Women will act completely different around you and treat you very differently if you’re a guy who “gets it.” The way to show her you’re one of these rare guys is to see when she’s testing you and keep your cool. So if she mentions that other men are interested in her or she says she’s unavailable or she complains about something you do, realize it’s just a test. Then simply say, “Hey, stop that stuff,” and she’ll know what you mean. More importantly, she’ll know she’s dealing with a real man, and she’ll stop at no expense to chase you down.
Number 4
Stay on your own course

Most men orient themselves by following and seeking approval of the woman. She leads, they follow; in fact, she isn’t even leading, but the man tries to convince her to lead with questions and body language that seek approval. This is a horrible mistake, and annoys women to no end. Instead, stay on your course, even when she’s all over the map. Let her reorient her body, behavior, moods, and responses to YOURS. Don’t ever try to get her to lead. Show her you’re the kind of man who loves to be the captain of your own ship, and she’ll feel an undeniable attraction to you.

Number 3
Never backpedal or explain yourself

If you say or do something that seems to upset a woman, don’t try to explain your way out of it or do something to “make her feel better.” Don’t act like you screwed up or show her that you’re nervous just because she’s acting upset. Just move on as if nothing happened. Get right on to the next topic or story. If she stays on it, whines or complains, just say “Get over it, it was a joke, stop being a pain,” and then get on to the next topic again. If you try to backpedal or explain yourself or in any way hint that you think you’ve “screwed up,” you’re DEAD MEAT. If you say something and she doesn’t like it, that’s not YOUR problem. Women often complain to see if they can manipulate you with their emotions, and when you show you don’t fall for this, her respect and ATTRACTION for you will go through the roof.
Number 2
Hint that you’re normal

There are a lot of psycho, perverted and “mentally unstable” guys out there, so it’s important you communicate through your behavior that you’re NOT one of them. Tell a woman you’re busy, and get off the phone WITHOUT asking her to meet for a date. Make fun of dumb-ass behavior, and other guys who act like wussies. If she calls but doesn’t leave a message, accuse her of being a stalker, and tell her that normal people leave messages. Chase women out of your house; say “get out” over and over again if she’s kissing you. All of this gives her subtle signs that you’re not some freak who desperately wants to get in her pants. This will give her an irresistible craving to get to know you better because you’re so different from the typical needy guys she dates.
Number 1
Use her own games on her

We all know women love playing games. But when you turn the tables and play games on a woman, it shifts the power dynamic in your favor. One of my favorite games to play with women is “You’re a brat, and I’m fake exasperated.” That’s pretty self-explanatory. Some others are “Let’s see who can act the least interested,” and “I’m hard to get, and you love me.” Have fun playing these games with a woman and you’ll soon find that she won’t be able to get enough of your challenging, confident personality.

Post-Breakup Maintenance

2007-06-13T17:31:00.000-07:00

By Gary Jackson

Things to do after the breakup

It's a sad fact, but relationships don't always work out. For one reason or another, you might find yourself breaking up with the girl you spent ages trying to woo. It's never fun, but there are steps you can take to make the process as pain-free as possible. Remember: You did care for this person at one point; you owe them a clean break.

A good relationship takes a lot of work, and so does a good breakup. By following the tips below, you should be able to make a relatively easy split and come out of it unscathed and ready to move on.

Get in touch with friends

One of the first things you have to do is get your story out there. Even if it seems like a ”pleasant” breakup, chances are she has a different take on where things went wrong. Contact your mutual friends and put your spin on it first because that's just what she'll be doing.

At this point, you may have to choose which friends you want custody of. A breakup can tear a group of mutual friends apart because people naturally take sides. Work on keeping the friends who matter and accept that you may have to avoid others in order to avoid run-ins with her.

No drunk dialing

When drinking, bad ideas seem like really, really good ones -- like staying out until 3 a.m. on a work night, asking for that extra hot chili sauce, and calling the ex for a “chat.” You may think you're being considerate by checking to make sure she's OK, but right after a breakup it's best to maintain a no-contact rule -- especially when you’ve been drinking. There’s a good chance you’re going to say a few regrettable things, and you’ll just come across as pathetic.

Delete all her numbers from your cell, get rid of her e-mail address and take her off speed dial so you aren't tempted to contact her. And this goes without saying: Don't pick up the phone if she calls you.

No ex sex

Since the no-contact rule is in place, you’re also prohibited from having sex with your ex for "old time’s sake."

It was great, but it’s time to move on…

It’s a tempting proposition because sex with an ex can be great -- you're both comfortable with each other and she'll probably work overtime in the sack to get you back. But it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see this isn't a good idea. What starts as a one-off can become a habit. From there, you'll eventually find yourself back with the girl you tried to dump, and you'll have to hurt her all over again. The end of a relationship means the end of sex. If you find yourself getting desperate, go on the prowl for someone new.

Return her things

If you've been together for a lengthy time, she’ll have her things laying around your place and vice versa. Part of the breakup process is to return them. Her CDs on your shelf, that pile of clothes on the floor... they're all just potential excuses for her to show up one day when she misses you.

The sooner you get rid of her stuff, the better. Bag up her things and take them over to her place, and be prepared to collect all your things when you're over there. Insist on getting everything on that one trip. For any items she can't seem to find, accept the loss and walk away.

Break from your shared routines

Now that you've claimed your space back, you must do the same with your time.If there are any regular activities the two of you shared, avoid them; chances are she'll keep doing them to bump into you.

Use this as an opportunity to explore your new single world. Friday was your movie night? Well, now it’s your new bar-hopping night with the guys. Saturdays were spent eating out? From now on, you’ll invite friends over for dinner.

Get back in the game

The final part of post-breakup maintenance is re-entering the dating world. When in a relationship, all the single women out there seem so far away, but now you can head back out there and get them. While you don't want to do this too soon, it's the most pleasant step of this maintenance schedule.

Moving on is a clear signal that the two of you are definitely over. The reason you went through the whole breakup was to do this, so enjoy it. Don't use other women as a means to getting over your old flame -- do it for you, for the love of the pickup or to meet someone new.

letting go

It goes without saying that breakups are never easy, but these breakup maintenance tips should help make the whole process as easy as it can be.

Your next step after the breakup process is complete is to brush up on your game and welcome yourself back to fun world of singledom.

Article Suggested By: Terrence G., Dickinson, ND

5 ways to get more adoration now!

2007-05-25T09:36:00.000-07:00

He'll be worshipping the ground you walk on

Ten per cent of men never say "I love you" and when they do, it often takes a super-human effort. But little tricks can accelerate his adoration." Emotional therapist, Jane Long explains how.

Arouse his protective side

"Men love to feel they're shielding you from the big bad world, so don't be afraid to drop your guard occasionally and let him look after you, say, if you're ill. It'll make him see you need him, so he'll be happier to admit to his ‘character fault.'"

Ration yourself

"If you're like his prettier, stubble-free shadow, he'll start taking you for granted. Don't play daft ‘hard-to-get' games; just limit the time you spend with him, so when he does see you, he's overwhelmed with affection."

It's all in the delivery

"Men respond better if you do it light-heartedly, rather than an intense, gazing-deep-into-his-eyes way. And never ever demand he says it back. The next time you're both acting like big kids, just slip it into conversation, give him a peck and carry on with what you were doing. That way he won't feel under pressure, which men are generally allergic to."

The ‘take it in turns' rule

"If it's usually you who starts the ball rolling, bite your tongue. Make yourself a promise that he has to say it first every other time. If that means you don't hear it for weeks, so be it. He'll subconsciously miss you saying it and will feel the urge."

Drop the hints

"If all these ploys fail, simply say you'd like him to tell you he loves you more - some men just don't get hints! But also remember to notice the little things he does do that express it every day, whether it's making you a coffee while you laze in bed or spending hours trying to fix your damn hair straighteners."

Men You Should Be Suspicious Of

2007-05-08T02:54:00.000-07:00

By Andrea Madison

How to know which men you should be suspicious of

Do you feel a pang of jealousy every time she heads out with her long-time guy friend? Or do you find yourself worrying that her cubicle is just a little too close to that handsome coworker of hers?

I certainly understand the inclination to feel protective of your woman. Being a guy yourself, you are all too familiar with man's predatory nature. So how do you distinguish between the dogs who are really out for your girl and those whose ill intentions are the product of your distorted imagination?

There's no single hard-and-fast rule, but there are certain guys you should be wary of, and certain guys you generally needn't stress over. The list below should clarify which men you should and shouldn’t be suspicious of. Remember: These are only guidelines, but they should give you a pretty good idea of when you should be on guard and when you can sleep easy at night.

1- The ex Who is he?

He has dated your girl in the past, but they managed to stay friends; or he’s an ex who has recently come back into her life. The ex is someone who has had a long, intimate history with your woman.

Should you be suspicious? Yes. People tend to look at the past through rose-colored glasses. So when the ex and your woman remember their past together, they may forget some of the reasons things didn’t work out. And, generally speaking, it’s easier to be intimate with someone you’ve already been with, so do keep an eye out. (Note: Just because exes in general can pose a threat, it doesn’t necessarily mean that hers does. Watch out for specific evidence before

panicking.)

2- The long-time friend Who is he?

He went to primary or high school with your woman, or maybe they were neighbors growing up. Either way, they’ve been friends forever and they know each other inside out.

Should you be suspicious? No. While the long-time friend may have a history with your woman, it has never been an intimate relationship. And if they’ve been friends all this time and never been together, it’s probably for a reason. One or both of them probably decided that it just wouldn’t work. So unless you have specific evidence that there is a romantic interest there, you probably have nothing to worry about.

3- The new friend Who is he?

He met your woman in an art or dance class. Or maybe they go jogging together. He's the guy who only recently came into her life and they’re spending an awful lot of time together.

Should you be suspicious? Yes. Make a mental note of his body language: Is he touchy-feely with her? Does he flirt generally? If they only recently met and are spending lots of time together (without you!), chances are he is going for the goal. Be on guard.

4- The coworker Who is he? They eat lunch and take their breaks together. They always seem to be working on that deadline together. They’re not only coworkers; they also seem to have a good rapport.

Should you be suspicious? Yes. Sitting next to each other at work doesn’t necessarily lead to temptation, but if two people get along well, spending all day together can certainly nurture the connection. Instead of being jealous of all male coworkers, just note if she seems to be spending all her time with one coworker in particular, talking to and about him -- only then will you have a valid reason to be suspicious.

5- The gay friend Who is he? They shop together, gossip and completely exclude you.

Should you be suspicious? No. You might be jealous of the time they spend together, but this is not the time to let your green-eyed monster show. Instead of worrying whether he’s gay or not, whether he might hit on her or that he’s taking too much of her time, befriend him and get him to like you. Like it or not, this man has a lot of influence over your woman. The chances of him making a pass at her? Slim to none.

6- The teacher Who is he? He is the yoga teacher who has taken a special interest in her spiritual growth, or her tennis teacher who has offered to give her free private lessons to brush up on her serve.

Should you be suspicious? Yes. She probably thinks he is being kind and has simply taken interest in her as a student. But you know better; most men would not give their time without an agenda, so be protective and on the defense.

keep your eyes peeled

Next time she heads out with her long-time friend, relax. By now you should have a pretty good idea of what kind of man you should be watching out for and what kind of guy is harmless to your relationship. After all, isn’t it better to save your jealous temper for when it’s really needed?

6 Signals His Face Is Sending You

2007-05-02T00:29:00.000-07:00

BY BETH WHIFFEN

Cosmo uncovers the secret body-language clues that reveal your dude's deepest desires ‑- almost instantly.
Mention the words sharing and feelings in the same sentence and most guys ‑- yes, even if they're super comfortable with you ‑- will run to the nearest sports bar, where they can avoid using modern language entirely. "Men are taught to stifle emotion, so they often have trouble verbalizing their thoughts and feelings," explains psychologist Alon Gratch, Ph.D., author of If Men Could Talk.

But lucky for you, even if your guy won't open up, his mug will give him away. "The face is considered the most expressive body part because its muscles are linked to the emotional centers in the brain," says anthropologist David B.Givens, Ph.D., author of Love Signals. "The slightest shift in mood registers as a specific facial gesture, making it extremely difficult to conceal one's true feelings." Learn to decode these unconscious cues and you've got a window into his soul.
Here's how to tell when...

PAGE 1 OF 8 NEXT: He Needs Some Space
in this article
PAGE 1:
How to Read His Feelings Instantly
PAGE 2:
He Needs Some Space
PAGE 3:
He Wants to Get Naked
PAGE 4:
He Has Something to Tell You
PAGE 5:
He's Totally Whipped
PAGE 6:
He Has Something to Hide
PAGE 7:
He's Having Doubts
PAGE 8:
How to Talk with Your Face

What Men Want at 20, 30 and 40

2007-05-01T07:05:00.000-07:00

It's a fact. If you walk past a group of guys, they are physically unable to resist the urge to ogle. Ever wonder why are men such boys? Do they ever grow up and notice the inner woman? After all, beauty is only skin deep, and we want a man to admire us for more than a seductive arrangement of body parts. As a public service, I conducted a poll asking men at different stages of their lives what attracts them to a woman. Their answers were very ... educational.

20: THE MORE THE MERRIER
"I'm a legs and butt man," says Andrew, a 23-year-old stockbroker. He explains, "My first thought when I see a woman is, 'Do I want to have sex with her?' That cuts out 70 percent right away. At this stage of my life I'm not particularly looking for anything long-lasting." That's probably because most male twenty-somethings have one burning desire: to build a successful career. In terms of women, well, the more the merrier. Men in their twenties want a pretty woman, an ornament on their arm to show their boss and the world: "Hey, I must be really cool to attract such a hot babe."

There's a hope at the end of this semi-shallow tunnel of youth: As men in their twenties age, they begin learning from experience. "You get knocked around a few times by women with big knockers and you realize a pretty face isn't everything," says 27-year-old Peter, a marketing consultant. "But I'm still initially attracted to someone's looks. So any busty blondes reading this can contact me through the Website. But I also want a woman who's sensitive because, hey, I got feelings."

30: STABILITY -- AND SANITY
Jim, a comic, recalls, "When I was seven I wanted a girl who could make a good sand castle. At 17, she just had to be stacked. At 27, she couldn't want to be my wife. Now that I'm 30 I want somebody sane and stable. The bottom line: While a cute tush still makes my head turn, it's the gray matter that keeps me interested."

As he enters his thirties, a man's taste in women definitely changes. After the initial experimental stage where he dates a lot of people, he looks for a woman to fill certain roles, like wife and mother. Another way to put it: He's refining his taste. He knows he can't spend all his time in bed. The mid-to-late thirties are often the period when men give in to their urge to settle down. At 39, Paul, a computer consultant, is no longer looking to date, but to mate. "I want someone who looks like a good baby-maker, not an anorexic who's afraid to put a cookie in her mouth."

40: COMPANIONSHIPMen in this age range still think a roll in the hay is nice, but now they're more eager for substance. They want to be nurtured. If you're up for the job, the 40s man may be yours for the taking. Many of them are burnt out, making tons of money and lonely as hell because they have no one to share their success. Still not convinced? Listen to 41-year-old Stuart, a computer systems VP. "Now that I'm in my wise forties, I'm more interested in the character of the person than the package it comes in. Is she caring? Is she as giving as she is taking? Those are the questions I ask myself about the women I meet."

The aphrodisiac for Stuart, as for many over-40 men, is compatibility. If there isn't a certain comfort level with a woman at this stage of a man's life, a relationship can be very frustrating. Bob, a 41-year-old advertising executive, knows this frustration. "It would be easier to meet someone if my primary interest was looks. But if I don't connect with someone in a cerebral way, I lose interest fast. I want to be with someone who laughs at my jokes, who'll take care of me when I'm sick, and let me take care of her. This seems like a mission impossible."

Yes, the 40s man is sensitive, but he's also prone to mid-life crises and heavy-duty alimony payments. Find this disheartening? Just keep in mind that some of the most compatible love matches are between older women and younger men. Why? These two age grooves are actually the most sexually in sync of any combo out there. Coo-coo-ca-choo, Mrs. Robinson.

by Sherry Amatenstein

Top 8 Things You'll Never Hear A Man Say

2007-05-01T06:32:00.000-07:00

8. Here honey, you use the remote.

7. You know, I'd like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.

6. Ooh, Antonio Banderas and Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!

5. While I'm up, can I get you anything?

4. Sex isn't that important, sometimes I just want to be held.

3. Aww, forget Monday Night Football, let's watch Melrose Place.

2. Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.

1. We never talk anymore.

Overcome Your Fear Of Rejection

2007-04-27T21:55:00.000-07:00

By Curt Smith

Don't be afraid of being rejected by women

Human nature is very complex. Men have learned to be strong, competitive and courageous in times of danger. History has shown that we are able to conquer our fears and reach our goals -- as long as our will, conviction and desire are present.

Mankind has overcome the hardships of war and natural disasters. Yet there is one natural fear that seems to overshadow most men: the fear of rejection. This instinctive emotion paralyzes and hinders us from doing the things we really want to do, including meeting women. Some men are so afraid of rejection that they would rather run through a minefield than walk up to a woman and ask her out on a date.

The need to feel desirable and part of a group is inevitable, and some people will place themselves in extreme circumstances just to preserve that feeling of belonging. A good example is when teenagers take their first haul of a cigarette due to peer pressure and fear of rejection. But there is a very simple way to overcome this crippling emotion: Develop a greater fear of regret.

My father hit the nail on the head when he told me that I wouldn't regret the times that I made a complete fool of myself, but rather the times that I didn't try something out of fear. I learned that valuable lesson way back in my early 20s. I had a crazy crush on this sweet girl, but I was too concerned with rejection to ask her out.

A few years later, I bumped into her at a friend's party and found out that she also used to have a thing for me. I finally let her know that I'd had a crush on her, to which she replied, "Why didn't you do or say anything?" Wouldn't you know it -- a question I ask myself constantly. Of course, it was too late because she had already gotten married. I hope my misfortune will encourage more men to spring into action and let go of this ridiculous inhibition.

You're not her type

Most men fear rejection because it lowers their self-esteem. But there is really no reason to lose any confidence when women say "no" because they aren't really rejecting you. How could they be rejecting you when they don't even know what you're all about? It's not like they studied your personality and qualities before deciding to refuse you. Maybe they declined your offer because:

1. They're dating someone or married.
2. They're having a bad day.
3. They like you, but have their protective shield up.
4. They don't feel like talking to anyone -- even Brad Pitt.

The important thing to remember is that no one in this world can appeal to everyone's tastes. Each woman has her preferences, so if she rejects you, it just means that you don't fit the description of what she desires. You should approach as many women as possible in order to increase your chances of finding one that is looking for a guy like you.

True rejection

If you think that women who reject your drink offers or date requests are frightening, you don't know what true rejection is about. Once a man sees what true rejection is, he realizes how childish it is to fear approaching unfamiliar women.

True rejection occurs when a woman rejects a man with whom she has spent a considerable amount of time. It is the ultimate rejection because the man is dismissed due to his all-around identity.

One of my good friends had his heart ripped out by his fiancée, who left him after six years of what he thought was a wonderful relationship -- now that's rejection. In fact, you would think that his self-esteem took a beating and that he has a hard time approaching women, but he talks to new women all the time. I asked him how he does it and he explained that once you get the ultimate rejection, everything else is like a walk in the park.

Get over it!

I always had a "fear of rejection" until I decided to overcome it, especially after I witnessed what true rejection is all about. All you have to do is start up a conversation and the rest will fall into place. I don't mean corny pickup lines; I mean an honest conversation. Here are some suggestions.

- Once you notice the "buying signals" (eye contact, touching hair, and so on), walk directly up to her and introduce yourself. You can start by asking if you can join her for a drink. If she says yes, ask her name. If she's interested, she'll ask the same. If she doesn't ask, it's not the end of the world; just keep the lines of communication open.

- Keep the conversation interesting; focus on her and really listen to what she says. Then, follow up with another question that links with what she just finished saying. For example:

You: "Do you have a job?"

Her: "Yes and I'm also studying."

You: "Wow, you're a busy woman!"

Her: "Yes, there are days when I feel like I'm just going to collapse."

You: "I bet you're looking forward to a vacation?"

Her: "Oh yes, I just can't wait to get away for a while."

You: "And what would your ideal vacation spot be?"

This is just one example of many possible conversations. The idea is to listen to her and follow up with a correlating question. When this method is properly applied, it will keep the conversation interesting.

Close the deal

Most men make the mistake of carrying on a conversation without closing the deal; that is, they don't ask for the woman's phone number. Here are a couple of ways to broach the "phone number" subject.

- "I had a great time talking with you and I'd like to see you again. Why don't you give me your number so that we can do this again?"

- "You're really easy to talk to, can I have your number so that we can talk again sometime?"

Fear not

The next time you get the big "No thanks," just remember that it's not the end of the world). Women who refuse you are just strangers who have no idea what a nice guy you are. So straighten up those shoulders and move on to the next woman that catches your eye.

Article Suggested By: Scott R., Scottsdale, AZ

The Man Menu: 4 Things He Doesn't Dare Tell You

2007-04-23T00:04:00.000-07:00

BY REED TUCKER

No matter how many conversations and Q&A sessions you've shared, every guy has certain details about his life that he considers off-limits -- even to you. Learning about them now can actually help you understand him better and keep you from freaking out if you accidentally trip on them one day. So at the risk of being hunted down, killed, and dried for jerky by my fellow males, I reveal the hidden truths your man doesn't want you to know.

1. He has a stash of porn.
I know what you're thinking: "Not my man." But it's a cold hard fact: Even the nicest guys like nasty entertainment. "Porn lets me explore sexual avenues that are unavailable to me in real life," says Adam, a bona fide nice guy from Washington, D.C.

Not convinced? Do the math. Triple-X films are a multibillion-dollar-a-year industry. That's about one video for every grown-up man and woman in America. But when was the last time you plunked down a piece of your paycheck for Jurassic Pork or Snatch Adams? My point exactly -- your significant other is buying enough for the both of you.

2. He wants more oral sex.
Okay. You know he loves it, but you might not have any idea just how much. Men are simple creatures with three basic needs: food, shelter, and blow jobs. But he won't ask for more for fear of seeming self-centered. "I'm afraid that making that request would probably be the end not only of oral sex but of all sex," says Eric from New York City. So treat oral sex like a vitamin, and give it to him once a day. He's sure to repay the favor.

3. He hates it when you're more successful than he is.
Even if he said he was proud of you when you landed that paycheck-fattening raise or corner-office promotion, he's pissed that you're moving on up faster than the Jeffersons.

See, guys are supposed to be the breadwinners, but now women are often earning just as much money and respect as men are, if not more. And this growing gender equality is doing a Lorena Bobbitt on his psyche.

But he'll never confide this to you. Any guy who revealed his not-so-progressive feelings would risk coming off like a Neanderthal. Until we get over this (yes, sexist) attitude, try not to flaunt the fact that you're in a higher tax bracket.

4. He's more loyal to you than he is to his buddies.
Never mind what you've heard. The only thing guys talk about in the locker room is sports. In general, men are far more zip-lipped about intimate sexual details than you think we are -- especially if we care about you. "It's better to smile and let them imagine what must have happened," says Steve from Boston.

We're less interested in bragging about our bedroom exploits in the spirit of male bonding than we are about deepening our bond with you. But don't expect your man to divulge this secret. Men are taught to stick together. By choosing you, we've betrayed our own kind. And that's just something we'd rather not admit -- to anyone.

What Yuna think (?)

Hmmmm... I rest my case!

At least I know now..ha.ha..ha.

Right girls?

Can Men and Women be "Just Friends"?

2007-04-22T19:44:00.000-07:00

More lore about dating has passed from woman to woman and man to man than probably any other human endeavor, all in an attempt to help one sex figure out what the other is thinking or likely to do.

Now Maxim.com and Tango magazine have teamed to sort out some dating fictions from facts. From wanting to date the reincarnation of your parents to being friends with an ex, Tango magazine and Maxim.com researched a variety of dating conceptions singles hold near and dear. Yahoo! Personals also asked its members to chime in. Here's what we've found:

1. Men and women can be "just friends"
Marnie Hanel of Tango magazine says, "Sure, men and women can be friends -- as long as the dynamic falls into one of four categories: 1) the friends explore their, ahem, benefits -- and realize that they like each other better with their clothes on; 2) one of the parties is gay; 3) there are significant others involved and romantic -- and sexual -- needs are taken care of at home; 4) you’re just not that into each other -- in that way."

Jordan Burchette of Maxim.com agrees, "as long as they're from your kindergarten class, an ex, or are gay. It also helps if they're 'majorly unattracted' to each other. Tall order? Umm, yes," he says, "but we’re convinced that if they don’t fit in one of those categories, they’ll be double dipping their chip in no time."

2. Men don't express feelings in front of their friends
"Men are people too," says Tango's Hanel, "so while they may not outline every dirty detail of their emotions, they will dish -- in their own way -- with their close guy friends." She says there may be no tears, Cosmopolitans, or Ben and Jerry’s, but a couple of beers, a game of pool, or a good quarter of football can have an equally soothing effect on a distraught dude.

"With rare exceptions," Maxim.com's Burchette says, "we fully believe men make a conscience decision to not express their feelings in front of their friends." Some men, he says, especially those from the Midwest, pride themselves on never having cried in front of anyone -- ever. Do women like these cyborgs? To tell the truth, Burchette says, we don't think they mind it. "It's better not to cry then have to break out a box of lotioned Kleenex, so watch out sissy boy!"

3. Women take longer to get ready than men
Tango's Hanel says, "Of course we do. If you had 35 pairs of shoes and 17 varieties of lip liner to choose from, you’d be tardy too. Although living in a post-metrosexual world has given us men who moisturize regularly, spend $100 on a haircut and who can be found gazing in the mirror at five minutes past their dinner reservation."

Burchette of Maxim.com disagrees, "Even though women take forever to get ready (they have way more area per square inch to shave), men are the ones who are always late. Does this ring a bell? 'Honey, I'm finnne. It'll take me five minutes to get ready -- promise.' Never happens. Whether we’re busy manscaping our facial hair or trying to find a special shirt she loves is we’re always running a little behind."

4. Men/women can be friends with their ex
Tango's Hanel says that for both men and women, it's a classic case of dumper vs. dumpee. "Those who initiate breakups are decidedly more enthusiastic about inviting their exes over for dinner parties and meeting up for picnics in the park," she says. "The ones who are rejected are left with bruised egos, old love letters, and mutilated photos (why does it feel so good to cut his head out of every shot from your Puerto Rican vacation?)."

"Maintaining a friendship with the ex is easier than it sounds," says Burchette of Maxim.com, "especially if you're the one who did the dumping. After all, you broke up with them for a reason, right? And if it was because they're bad in bed, then you might have the bestest friend ever made! If you got a K-fed-style text message, kicking your butt to the curb, then being buds probably isn’t in the foreseeable future."

5. Women forgive, not forget; men forget, not forgive
"We have two words for you: Lorena Bobbit," says Tango's Hanel. "Make no mistake: women neither forgive nor forget. Men, on the other hand, will often let bygones be bygones -- especially if they’re offered payback of the intimate variety."

Burchette of Maxim.com says, "Men's inability to remember birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day, or grudges has yet to be scientifically proven, but trust us, it's a very real and scary disease. That said we are prone to still being angry five months later, though we have no recollection of why we’re so mad in the first place."

Top 10: Ways To Attract Her With Humor

2007-04-20T18:04:00.000-07:00

This article is sponsored in part by DoubleYourDating.com (What's this?)

You’ve probably heard that HUMOR is something just about every woman looks for in a man, but when most guys try to be funny, they end up coming across as goofy or dorky. Not good. If you want to be a goofy, funny guy, get a joke book. But if you want to use humor to make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you, you need to learn a special type of humor I call “Cocky Comedy.” Here are 10 tips to get you started.

Number 10
Cocky Comedy defined

The purpose of Cocky Comedy isn’t to make a woman laugh -- it’s about making her feel ATTRACTION. Cocky Comedy is just the right mixture of cocky or arrogant and funny. Why this combination? Women aren’t attracted to lower-status men… and the cocky element implies you have high status. Healthy-minded women aren’t attracted to complete jerks either, and the comedy element keeps you out of the “complete jerk” category. If you can make a woman laugh at something you say that’s busting on her or is extremely arrogant-sounding, you’ve achieved a magical accomplishment. THAT is Cocky Comedy.

Number 9
Mess with her

When you mess with one of your friends but you sound serious, how does your friend know that you’re messing with him? It’s obvious because you’re being overly serious or “overly harsh” or “overreacting.” The problem is that most guys don’t do this stuff with women they don’t know… ESPECIALLY women they’re attracted to. But it’s critical that you switch the conversation from the normal mode to the “I’m messing with you” mode QUICKLY. don’t let the conversation stay too normal for too long before switching it up. To switch into this mode, give an overexaggerated compliment that can’t be real but seems way too serious; accuse her of stepping over the line and trying to pick you up in some way; complain about something in an overly serious way. Keep her on her toes and you’ll keep her interested.

Number 8
Bust her balls

Want to REALLY dial up the attraction? Bust a woman’s balls just like you bust on your buddies. Call her names like dork, brat and dude. If she WHINES about anything, mock her whining in an exaggerated and playful way. Interrupt her repeatedly, then be overly silent. Bust her balls just like she’s an old buddy of yours, and she’ll be blown away by your confidence and sense of humor.

Number 7
Use your bodyYour gestures, facial expressions and voice tone are all great Cocky Comedy tools. Push her into things as you’re walking. Hand her something but then don’t let go, and don’t grab something she’s handing to you. Steal her food or take the big piece. Swat her playfully with a magazine, napkin or whatever you can find. Thumb wrestle, tickle her… the possibilities here are endless.

Number 6
Never laugh to make her laugh

It sounds incredible, but most laughter ISN’T in response to something funny. We usually laugh when we’re seeking someone’s approval -- even if what the other person said isn’t all that funny. Men try to force a woman to give him this approval by saying something that’s supposed to make her laugh, and then laughing at his own joke in hopes he’ll get her to laugh too (and so give him the approval he’s looking for). But all this does is communicate to her that he’s desperately seeking her approval… which is one of a woman’s BIGGEST TURNOFFS. Imagine a guy laughing at his own joke, and the woman is looking around for some kind of distraction so she can pretend that the guy she’s with isn’t as much of a DORK as he seems to be. DON’T BE THAT GUY. Never laugh to try to make a woman laugh in return.

Number 5
Hold your laughter to amplify attraction

Women are attracted to higher-status males. So how does a woman tell if she’s talking to one? If she catches herself seeking HIS approval, and he never seeks HER approval, then she unconsciously knows that she’s dealing with a higher-status man. And she’ll reward that man with mating opportunities. That’s where Cocky Comedy comes in. When you make a woman laugh (which is her seeking your approval), but not laugh yourself (which communicates that YOU don’t need HER approval), you’ll create and AMPLIFY her attraction to you. It’s an unconscious communication she can’t help but respond to.

Number 4
Learn the Cocky Comedy character

Most guys who naturally use Cocky Comedy aren’t TRYING to be funny, and they’re definitely not seeking approval -- they’re being the CHARACTER. The character is where 90% of the humor flows from. So what is the character? If you catch yourself thinking, “She’s just trying to get me into bed" and “What’s in it for me?" or if you're sarcastically encouraging her bad behavior or imitating her silly quirks, then you’ve got the character. When you do, you’ll find that Cocky Comedy will happen almost automatically, and so will a woman’s attraction for you.

Number 3
When something works… turn it upAs you start to use Cocky Comedy, you’ll notice women react to you in new and different ways. When they do, it’s time to TURN IT UP A NOTCH. So if a woman is acting fake mad, say, “You love me and you know it.” If a woman playfully hits your shoulder, say “Hey, you just hit me… just like a little girl on the playground hitting a boy she likes… you love me, and it’s OBVIOUS.”

Number 2
Avoid these common mistakes

Too much funny and she’ll see you as goofy or dorky. Too much cocky and she’ll see you as an A-hole, a jerk or an insecure guy. Don’t mistake an outright putdown for being cocky. And never do Cocky Comedy to impress women or show off; you’ll make yourself look like a dumb-ass.

Number 1
Fill your toolbox with OTHER tools tooAlthough Cocky Comedy is one of the most POWERFUL strategies I’ve come across for creating attraction in a woman, it’s a mistake to think that it’s everything or, for that matter, to think that ANYTHING is everything when it comes to attracting a woman. Cocky Comedy is a lethal tool, don’t get me wrong, but don’t rely on Cocky Comedy to create attraction all by itself. You must overcome your insecurities, polish up your personality quirks and learn to control your body language -- and many other things -- if you want to really take advantage of the power that this technique and way of thinking has to offer.

Yuna's opinion

1. I like men who makes me laugh!

2. Who are not afraid to be what they are

3. Ambitious but whatever it is

4. Confident

5. Respect ladies no matter what

6. Easy going...makes ladies more comfortable to be with

Hmmm... I'll leave the other 4s up to you guys!

giving you the changes to prowl...ha..ha..ha..ha...

Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women

2007-04-17T21:32:00.000-07:00

Last night a guy requested on tips for dating. Well, here it goes tiger!

What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women.

It's a fact that women love confidence. But how can a guy gain this confidence and convey it to women?

The frame that works best for attracting women can be summed up in three words: It's Always On.To really be successful with women, you must be so confident that anything she says or does is proof that she is attracted to you.So how can you take on this powerful attitude for yourself?Here are some techniques that you can use to become a more confident guy:

1. Become "principle centered" instead of validation centered

If you come from a place of honesty, trust, respect, integrity, and loyalty, you will always be confident because you will always know you are doing the right thing.

2. Prescribe the symptom

This technique is from Milton Erickson, the famous therapist and hypnotist, whom I admire greatly.Take control of your shyness by deciding in advance to deliberately be shy when you go out. This gives you a sense of control over the emotion. You'll find that the next time you go out, you will be able to control the emotion and feel more confident.

3. Earn confidence through self-knowledge

When you truly understand yourself and what you want out of life, and know exactly who you are, it is a huge source of confidence.What is your mission in life?

4. Be cool

People become "cool" when they no longer fear other people's disapproval, or, said another way, when you are no longer seeking other people's approval.Find your own path in life and stick to it. Do what's right for you, no matter what anyone else has to say.

.......................................................................................

What Yuna think?

Apart from the above's tips

1. Just be yourself

The girls are more interested in getting to know you...not Mr Bean or Brat Pitt or Orlando Bloom

2. Clean up yourself

Can't imagine dating a guy that smells and scruffy looking unless he prefers smelly and messy-looking girls as well (ha..ha.ha..)

3. Be honest

My name is James Wong! (no..no...not James Bond!). I'm a Sales Agent ( No..no..not secret agent). bla..bla..bla...the truth ...the whole truth..nothing but the whole truth!

4. Be humble

Girls are crazy over guys humbility attitude

5. Don't over do it

I love your eyes..it is like a burning sapphire (Duh..???what??)

I only drive Mercedes or a Jaguar or BMW (Drive it to the wall please!!)

Don't laugh but Yuna has seen this gig on the street before like "May I carry your hangbag?" (that is so sissy and full of phoney..might as well he carry her cash vault!)

Too much jokes...when dating a little casual jokes are ok but not laughing your head off exposing your unkept cavity...oh dear..!

Whatever it is...just don't over do it!

6. No flirting or sex talk

Definately a BIG NO! And a BIG TURN OFF! DISASTER!

This is about dating ...not monkeying!

Unless you're a wolf looking for a wolverine

Have fun tiger!

Overcome Your Insecurities

2007-04-17T21:15:00.000-07:00

By Kristen Armstrong
Stress Management Specialist

In a society that values bigger, better and faster, it can be difficult to overcome your insecurities and become a confident person. But because no one in the world focuses on you more than you do, beating your insecurities is as much of an internal struggle as it is a battle of self-improvement.Despite being extremely difficult, admitting your weaknesses can pay dividends in the end. Once you admit to your lack of confidence in your sexual or financial performance, for example, and overcome these insecurities, these aspects of your life will turn from monsters in your closet to facts that you’ve acknowledged and beaten.Overcoming insecurities is no easy battle, as there are many factors that cause them, and they’re constantly reinforced by daily events. Thankfully, there is a step-by-step method for leaving your weaknesses in the background and leading a more confident existence. With that being said, read on to find out how to recognize and overcome your insecurities.

1- Find the rootThink about where you are lacking confidence:

Do you think you fall flat in the boardroom? Are you the last to hit on a girl because you think you look bad? Do you get defensive about your girl’s bedroom jokes because you think she may be truly unsatisfied?Consider where these thoughts come from. There may have been certain occurrences in your life that made you think less of yourself. For instance, if your first girlfriend told the whole school about your “small package,” you may have felt inadequate ever since. Once you’ve found the root of the problem, it’s much easier to get a handle on the insecurity, because it was most likely created by one or two isolated instances that have no real importance on your current life. Recognize where that insecurity started, and it’ll immediately seem more manageable.

2- Invalidate the problem

Once you’ve pinpointed the specific incident that created the crater in your self-image, consider why that occurrence doesn’t prove anything about your life as a whole, and think about the times in your life that prove the opposite. We are often too quick to forget the compliments or positive reinforcements that we’ve received from friends or colleagues, dismissing the kind words as pity or politeness.Don’t focus on your lack of achievement when your cube mate scores a big account at work. Instead, remember when your boss complimented your own work or just how far you’ve come since you were a bottom-feeder at your company. Recognizing your successes will remind you of how great you are and how lucky your company is to have you. This will help you celebrate your coworkers' successes -- and remember that it can only be so long before your next big break.

3- Stop comparing yourself to others

It’s easy to become insecure when you constantly compare yourself to seemingly strong, flawless people. For example, if you compare yourself to the guy in the bar who seems so smooth with the ladies, you may come out feeling clumsy and awkward in your encounters with women. But, what you’re likely unaware of is that this guy has his own set of problems that he has to deal with. Instead of focusing on how you stack up against him, focus on what you can do and your skills with the ladies. If you’re a power negotiator at work, you know that you can talk circles around any girl. Now get out there and sell yourself.If you can’t measure up to your buddy, maybe you should measure up to your own strengths…

It can be equally as treacherous to compare yourself to your friends. For example, when you see your friend -- whose downfalls and ineptitudes you are familiar with -- succeed, you might end up feeling threatened and insecure about your own abilities. If your buddy is the smooth talker in the bar, you might feel jealousy toward him instead of admiration, as you would for a stranger. Don’t begrudge your friend in his time of glory; rather, take it as an ego boost that you’re hanging out with the ladies' man in the bar, which can only mean good things about you.

4- Consider your known strengths

A lot of your insecurities come from focusing on the things that you have trouble with. The truth is that everybody has strong and weak points, but successful individuals have learned how to play up their good points -- a skill that has helped them flourish. Despite your insecurities, you have achieved a certain level of success in your life because you have great qualities. It's your job to pinpoint and foster those qualities and build a successful life.Take those qualities, learn to focus on them and remember that there are more ways to use your set of skills than you think. Although you’re unsure about your ability to attract women with your looks, you know that you can reel them in with interesting conversation and witty remarks. Perhaps you’re nervous about giving a presentation to clients because you’re not very good at making anecdotes or using metaphors. What you seem to forget is that you know the project inside and out; focus on that and answer all of your clients' questions before they ask them. Remembering what you can do will give you the confidence not to choke under pressure.

5- Put your insecurities behind you

Once you’re aware that your strengths and weaknesses will balance out in the end, forget about what you lack and draw on where you rock the competition. If you fumbled today at the office meeting, remind yourself of your top sales record for the past three months. You can always enhance your weaker points at a later date.If you find that you’re focusing on your insecurities, think of the faults that other people have and how they’re able to get around them or just remind yourself of all the things that you’ve achieved in life. The more you focus on your strengths, the more they’ll be visible to others. In the end you’ll not only be happier, but you’ll be more successful.

Securing your insecurity

The bottom line for beating your insecurities is this: Everyone has them and the key to success is to identify them, invalidate them and move past them. Focus on your accomplishments and recognize that insecurities are usually irrational fears of inadequacy.Your faults are no more visible or detrimental to your success than anyone else’s, unless you let them get the better of you. Failure tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy: If you worry that you will fail, your performance will lack and turn your ruminations into a reality.

Q&A: How To Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back, Don't Launch An Attack

2007-04-17T01:03:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's that time once again: the day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally, and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming amount of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to AskMen.com readers; your e-mail may even be answered in the process.
This week's Q&A focuses on getting an ex-girlfriend back, smiling too much, and when to call it quits if she's not interested. David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women , has your answers.

What should a guy do if he wants to get back together with an ex-girlfriend?

If your significant other breaks up with you, two of the best things you can do to get her back are:

1- Act like you're okay with her decision to leave.

2- Start dating other people and let her know about it.

This combination alone is usually enough to make her come back to you.

Jealousy is powerful . It's far more powerful than most people suspect.

A situation where girl "A" didn't have any feelings for you until she saw you with girl "B" is the rule , not the exception.

Jealousy causes people to do crazy things and feel very powerful emotions... from love to hate.

Trying to "get her back" is a losing game in most situations, because the act alone suggests that you're needy (especially when you don't even know a woman very well, and you're trying to "get her back" after one or two dates).

The best thing to do is get on with your life, then call your ex-girlfriend in a month or two to see if she wants to have coffee.

Don't talk about heavy things, and don't mention anything about what happened. Just be casual.

Is it possible to smile too much? Should you "pursue" women?

Do you think a man should smile in order to get a woman to like him?

This is an interesting subject.

I think that most guys smile too much when they're talking to women that they're attracted to. Now, I have to modify what I just said a bit.

How about this: Most guys smile in a way that looks like fake-approval-seeking-wussy-man when they're talking to women that they're attracted to.

I recommend that most guys learn how to control all aspects of their body language so they can quit doing things that make them seem needy, apologetic, like they're trying to get a woman's approval, etc.

And smiling is one of those aspects.

That said, I know guys who smile a lot when they're meeting women, and they do very well.

What's their secret?

They make the right moves, so their smiling doesn't come across as them trying to be liked, kissing up to a woman, etc.

Do what works for you.

But if you've been the kind of guy that tries to get women to "like you" in the past, then you'd probably benefit from learning how to smile less , and be cocky & funny more .

Do you think a man should "pursue" a woman to try to land her?

I've noticed a pattern with guys that is very interesting to me: If a guy meets a girl and feels attracted to her, but doesn't have success taking things to a romantic level, he will tend to think about that woman and how to try again to get her attention, even when it doesn't make any sense at all, and there are many other opportunities around him .

I think that this is probably some kind of survival mechanism gone wrong. But whatever it is, it's a pain in the ass if you ask me.

In about 98% of cases, it's much better to just get on with your life and meet new women than it is to go back to an ex-girlfriend or a women you've met in the past (who, for one reason or another, didn't feel an attraction towards you) and try to get them to come around.

Move on.

This article is sponsored in part by DoubleYourDating.com (What's this?)
David DeAngelo is the author of the book Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, and several other products that can help men become more successful with women and dating. He also publishes a free online Dating Tips newsletter, available at www.DoubleYourDating.com.

Painless Relationship Maintenance

2007-04-17T00:42:00.000-07:00

By Kristen Armstrong

All relationships require maintenance. Of course, different relationships require different types of maintenance, and some will require more time and attention than others. A relationship in trouble, for example, will need carefully tailored maintenance and consistent effort in order to repair it. However, if things are moving along generally smoothly in your relationship and you’d like to keep it that way, there are a few easy and efficient ways to grease the wheels with your lady without keeping you constantly occupied.Before we begin to explore these instructions for a pain-free relationship, a special note: It’s necessary to control the frequency and timing of these maintenance tips. After all, if you employ them too often, you’ll come off as insincere and flaky. Nonetheless, their use should be familiar and natural to you. Generally, a happy relationship should stay that way so long as you both feel respected and cared for. Below are a few quick and painless tips to keep your situation with the lady shipshape.

1- Compliment her with sincerity

Giving her a sincere compliment means that when she comes into the room and your heart (or heart rate) skips a beat, you should let her know. Tell her that she’s looking good and that she still does it for you in all the right ways (assuming that this is the case). Or, tell her that her recent promotion at work was well-deserved, and that her boss is lucky to have her. These types of compliments are not over-the-top or excessively mushy, but they make her feel special and appreciated. Giving her such verbal assurances will help put her at ease and make her more relaxed around you since she won’t have to guess your sentiments. Knowing how you feel will boost her confidence, and because you’re responsible for the improvement in her mood, you should be rightly thanked for it.

2- Fulfill one of her nagging requests
You know that thing that she consistently asks you to do -- be it trimming that beard a little closer or taking her out for a nice dinner -- and you always neglect to do it? Well, if you get up and do it, and do it consistently, she’ll notice and she’ll appreciate it. Doing such good deeds doesn’t take much more effort than a little mindfulness, and they will keep her singing your praises. Not only will you be doing things that she likes, but you’ll be doing what she has asked, which is where the secret power of this maintenance tip is hiding. Doing things that she has requested will show her that you’ve actually been listening to her and not just to your sports recaps. Pick a few of her favorite wishes and try them out.

3- Surprise herJust the little romantic gestures can make a very big difference to a relationship.

If you know that she has had a long day, grab some coffee from the cafe she loves so much. If you’re at the grocery store, pick up her favorite ice cream. The little gift doesn’t need to be expensive or extravagant to please her, you just need to preemptively consider what she’ll want, and try to give it to her. Pick things that are personalized to her tastes, emphasizing your intimate knowledge of her likes and dislikes. Behaving this way will make her especially happy when she receives your little tokens, and it will also show how special you think those little details are.You don’t have to be Shakespeare to make her feel special...

4- Choose her over the boys

Let's face it: Many men get very touchy about giving up their night out with the boys. Your girl knows that this time is important to you, and most girls will give you the space to enjoy it. However, it is important that you recognize your girl as a priority in your life. This means that you’ll have to occasionally promise her a movie night at home, and skip going out with the boys. A little goes a long way with this, so make sure she recognizes a visible sacrifice on her behalf. Because this might not always be obvious to her, it might be worthwhile to subtly bring it to her attention. Also, stay very clear of any hint of remorse on the decision; let her know that the boys were doing their thing, but you wanted to spend a little quality time with her.

5- Write her a note

The written word often packs a punch that a verbal message can’t match. Little notes and messages give her visible proof and little keepsakes of your feelings, something she doesn't receive that often. These don’t have to be sappy love notes to do the trick. Write a personal message inside a card on Valentine’s Day instead of just signing it or leave a little note if you’ve dropped by her apartment. Even a little text message letting her know that she’s on your mind can boost her day. Sign off with a little romantic gesture, such as with “yours” or “kisses” instead of “see ya later,” as though she were one of the guys. Little written reminders that you’re thinking of her will have a great deal of impact.

6- Hang out

Sometimes the big events, special as they are, are not where your relationship is solidified. Make the effort to simply share time together: having movie night or bonding as you both yell at reality television will make the two of you feel as though you share more than popcorn at the movies. Spending some downtime together is a good way to keep a healthy handle on your identity as a couple, so that when you’re among friends the bond remains tight.

Avoid a relationship overhaul

Generally, the key to relationship maintenance is to remind each other of your feelings. Performing small gestures along the way keeps you thinking of her, and keeps her in a forgiving mood -- both of which will pave the road for a smoother relationship. Keep in mind that nothing that’s been mentioned here is over the top, expensive or life-altering. They’re all small things that make up a big picture, and none of them will tax your mind or your pocketbook.

My Favourite Superman!

2007-04-15T21:51:00.000-07:00

What Makes Men Fall in Love?

2007-04-15T18:17:00.000-07:00

Hello! I found this article on "What Makes Men Fall in Love?" by David Zinczenko is very interesting. You ladies, come on and read for a better understanding on men and the man you love.

Judging from the kind of mail we get at Men's Health from men seeking relationship advice, I can tell you this definitively about men: When a man falls for a woman, he falls hard. Men love to be in love. While men often get stereotyped as single-minded sex-seekers, the truth is that a man's stomach churns like a slushy machine when he's in those initial stages of the perfect relationship.

When you consider that half of men say that they're currently not with their soul mates, that means a heck of a lot of slushy machines are waiting to be turned on. What are they waiting for? What makes a man fall in love? After you rule out the obvious intangible laws of chemistry, attraction, and being in the right place at the right time that kick-start many a relationship, I think the question really becomes this: What makes a man fall -- and stay -- in love? About 60 percent of men deem friendship the most important thing in a relationship (sex comes in at a skimpy 8 percent, according to a national Harris Interactive poll), but let's delve a little deeper. What exactly does that mean, and what kind of woman does a man really want? With full acknowledgement that men's tastes in women are as unpredictable as the plotline of "24," these are some of things that many men value in "the one."

A Woman with a Passion in Something Other Than Him
Yes, it's nice to be doted over. Yes, it's nice to be pampered. Yes, it's nice to be with a woman who showers you with compliments, neck kisses, and all of her attention. But there's a virtual Great Wall of China between a fleeting, flirtatious glance and the kind of attraction that can last a lifetime. Many men say they like a woman who's immersed in something else other than the relationship -- be it her work, or her sport, or whatever her "thing" is. Why? The passion she shows for something else confirms her inherent goodness, her personal drive, her independence. All pluses in the woman we're hoping to spend a few decades with.

A Woman with No Problem with Guy Time
Every relationship has to choreograph the time-together dance. Once a couple elevates from casual to serious, it goes through that period when most waking and sleeping minutes are spent together. But at some point in the dance, one person will call a time out from the music of coupledom, and try to spend more time with his or her friends -- while still being careful not to step on any feet in the process. Even when they're with the most perfect woman, men still crave the occasional space to spend golfing or drinking or doing whatever (64 percent of men are happy to have the time to themselves when their wives or girlfriends have plans). Men love, appreciate, and are thankful for women who respect and endorse (and not complain about) his need to have a few testosterone mixers. Don't worry, March Madness will be over in just a few weeks!

A Woman with a Strut
Her strut in the bar may have been part of his initial attraction. The strut from the bedroom to the bathroom after the first night together may have been pure visual ecstasy. But the strut that happens day in and day out is one of the major attractors for a man. What do I mean by the strut? It's that attitude, that sassiness, that confidence, that charisma, that charm that shows she can be a little bold and little daring. In a recent post I talked about the line between a woman being confident and a woman being so aggressive that she turns men away, but the truth is that in certain aspects of relationships, men want women who have the strut. Men want to be with women who challenge them, who push them, and who take the lead some of the times. And that's as true in the bedroom as it is in planning their next weekend getaway. The danger? While it can be insanely attractive, that strut of confidence can also swing a man 180 degrees -- if she uses it in other places, like to flirt with other guys, to become a relationship dictator, or to pick a fight with his mom in front of the whole family. He'll point that kind of strut right out the door.

A Woman with a Good Taste in Ties
Okay, so we don't really care about the ties per se. But what we care about is a woman's ability to give us a little-and this is a key word-gentle guidance. I know Freudian followers will say that it's a man's need to be mothered, but it's more than that. Every relationship is a give and take, and guys will definitely take women who can warn us when our new soul patch looks stupid, who can guide us to the perfect suit and shirt combo for an upcoming job interview, who can help them make decisions without being harsh or judgmental. Guys like to project that they know what they're doing and that they don't need any help. Women who can help steer us, without aggressively grabbing the wheel, are the most treasured copilots

Of Myths and Boys

2007-04-14T20:02:00.000-07:00

Time to demystify all those stereotypical deep-rooted age-old cliches you know about guys!

WHAT GIRLS BELIEVE:
Guys are commitment-phobic

REALITY: Not all guys are afraid of commitment. Those that are could have a myriad of reasons for being so...freedom issues, lack of trust or they're simply not ready to commit.

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW: Committing to someone is serious business and shouldn't be taken lightly. If you thinkall guys are commitment-phobes, take a good look aroundand you'll find that they can be very committed creatures. It might not necessarily be to a relationship but other things such as school, family, friends and fanatical hobbies such as video games! If you want him to commit to you, give himsome space and time. He'll come around once he's ready.

................................................................................................

WHAT GIRLS BELIEVE:
Guys love it when you play hard to get

REALITY: The "does-she-or-doesn't-she-like-me" game can be exciting at first but it gets stale pretty fast.

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW: For anyone, the thrill of the chase is fun. More so for the guy because it invokes their natural "hunting" instincts. He will try to interpret your little innuendos at first but after awhile, he will tire of the games and eventually, you. Think about it for a second (and this will make perfect sense). Guys are not stupid and most see through our little shenanigans, anyway. Nowadays, more and more guys find it attractive when agirl makes the first move. But if you insist your guy do the marathon, just make sure there's afinish line and you're the prize.

................................................................................................

WHAT GIRLS BELIEVE:

Guys only want to date Jessica Alba (or someone who look like her!)

REALITY: Looks do matter but only to a certain extent.

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW: Of course, it would'nt hurt if you had a supermodel's body, but it's not a pre-requisite. If you can't carry on a decent intelligent conversation, what's the point? You can attract a guy with with your stunning good looks but what keeps them attracted is your personality, energy, values, passion, sense of humour, integrity and confidence. Looks wear off with old age. What will get a man hooked is how you carry yourself and all the positive traits you exude. Attitude is everything!

...................................................................................................

WHAT GIRLS BELIEVE:

Guys are possessive

REALITY: They're not possessive, just protective.

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW:

Guys are instinctively protective over things that are valuable to them. They never want anything to threaten it and guys are always on the lookout for danger. They love you and don't want to lose you. However, you (and him) need to know that there's a different between being protective and overly possessive. Never allow him to control, manipulate or take away your freedom.

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WHAT GIRLS BELIEVE:

Guys don't listen because they don't care

REALITY: Men can't listen like women, they communicate differently.

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW:

Women talk to organise thoughts and seek empathy. Men talk to communicate ideas. And yes, some of them do have a short attention span so when you natter on and on, they will tune out. We also tend to think that they immediatelyget what we're trying to say but it's not always the case. When you communicate with your partner, talk in adirect and straightforward manner. Don't beat around the bush. Tellhim that it's important to you that he pays attention. Ask him nicely to see if he comprehends what you've told him. If he still insists on not hearing you out (especially if it's pertaining to important issues), maybe you'd like to consider him history. Sorry......

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WHAT GIRLS BELIEVE:

Boys can't dance

REALITY: Robbie Williams performs on stage in Hyde Park, London. He never had a problem shaking it!

ha..ha..ha..ha..

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WHAT GIRLS BELIEVE:

Boys don't cry

REALITY:

They do, in their own way...not in the open anyway.

Actor Freddie Prinz Jr. tears up as he speaks during a posthumous star dedication ceremony for his father, Freddie Prinze.

(Oh man...how sweet!)

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WHAT GIRLS BELIEVE:

Boys don't show emotion

REALITY:

Westlife's Kian Egan wipes away a tear at a press conference announcing Bryan McFadden departure.

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BOTTOM LINE Myths become myths because they do contain some elements of truth, but they are rarely the whole truth! A single myth on its own may seem insignificant but combine them and they will eventually destroy the relationship you're trying to build.